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Deciding to Stop Self-destructing

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Deciding to Stop Self-destructing

It’s easy to attempt to protect myself.  Life has thrown and will continue to throw plenty of opportunities for me to choose to pick up my handcrafted shields and attempt to protect myself from hurt.  Believe me, I have an assortment of shields for every occasion – rejection, fear, confusion, disappointment, loss, etc.  I’ve got them all, but let me tell you something.  They DON’T work.  Well I take that back, they work to keep me stifled, trapped in fear, discouraged, bitter, confused, etc.  They shield me from who I am created to be and from my creative potential to be confident and bold in the knowledge that I am free and loved.

In the past, I’ve held up those shields thinking they were working for me instead of against me.  I thought that by staying hidden, I was saving myself from being hurt by people.   I would awkwardly hide behind my outgoing husband, my job, other friends, and the list continues.  I wouldn’t allow myself to just be completely me.  Even with the people closest to me, I would pick up my shields and attempt to make everyone happy, but I paid a price…me.  I missed out on the opportunity to see my value.  I missed out on the opportunity to not only enjoy being me but to LOVE it.

So, what did I do?  I took someone else’s armor and shield.  It’s true.  I shamelessly decided that mine weren’t working out very well, and I traded them.  My new shield is called Faith.  It has been forged through fire, and it cannot be destroyed.  It does not cause me to cower and hide in fear.   It doesn’t buckle under pressure, and it doesn’t melt in the face of lies.  And the best part is that it not only protects me, but it empowers me to see my true value.  And as a result, I’m becoming stronger everyday.   It is bringing me into freedom.

I found my shield from the One with the Eyes of Love.  I didn’t realize how many gifts He has for me.  I had no idea how good He is, nor did I understand that He desires to love and protect me.  He wants me to walk in joy every day.  Before, I assumed that He was sending messages about how He thought of me through the pain of my circumstances.  But, I was so wrong.  I’m on HIS side, and He WANTS to protect me.  And, guess what…I’m going to let Him.

With My Shield,

– The Lily

Ephesians 6:16
“In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one”
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Trading My Crown of Pity

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Trading My Crown of Pity

I’ve lived most of my life subconsciously thinking that the greatest act of glory I could bring myself was by proudly adorning my head with a crown of pity bejeweled with stones of false humility.  I walked around with my face downcast displaying the hardships of my life in a way that would hopefully cause others to notice the strength of my identity as I had faced more trials and pain than many would in a lifetime.  My tears and downtrodden countenance were a permanent tattoo for the world to see that my life had been marked in pain, and yet I was strong.  I believed there was a depth to me that was unparalleled because of the internal pain I suffered.  And the more pain I felt, the bigger my crown became and the larger my jewels.  I would never shout from a megaphone that I wanted the sympathy and empathy of others, but that is how I lived my life without saying a word.  And, what did I realize?

It is 100% a load of crap.  WHAT?!?!?!

Yes, it’s true.  The best way I can describe it is that I was living in a pile of dung thinking I was at a day spa.  I would rub the feces all over myself imagining that the warmth was comforting.  The wind would blow causing the stench to be drowned out by the smell of flowers down the field, and I would get lost in my pile of dung.  Those scents of floral ecstasy were the feelings of sentiment expressed by the ones I loved who would reach down grab a handful of dung and rub my back with it.  And, then there were the times where the wind would stop, and I would get a glimpse of reality.  Those were the times when the pain would become overwhelming and try to swallow me whole.  The highs and lows of my emotions were extreme, and they were controlling my life until recently.

I don’t have a magic formula for how to get out of a dung spa.  And, I wasn’t the one who got myself out of it.  There was a moment recently where while I was sitting in my pile of dung, I could see there were at least 5 more truck loads of feces backing up to add to my pile.  And, there was also a crown of pity at least 100x larger than the one I was wearing that was waiting for me if I chose to take it.  But for the first time in my life I had a moment of divine clarity in which I could see my mess for what it was, and I looked up and I saw the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.  I saw the Eyes of Love, and as I got lost in His eyes, His hand reached down, grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of my mess.

When I stood before Him, the stench of my self-pity vanished.  He took my crown and tossed it to the side.  It had lost all of its previous glory and beauty.  In His presence, it looked dingy, tarnished, and cheap.  And, then I watched as He pulled from behind His back the most beautiful and simple crown I have ever seen.  It was the most delicate floral masterpiece covered in diamonds and reflecting the light of His eyes in a thousand directions.  He placed it on my head, and I began to spin.  As I twirled, I watched the light catch and send dancing sparkles in a thousand directions.  He put a smile on my face and love in my eyes where there had been pain and disappointment.  He gave me true beauty, and I will never be the same.

You won’t find me back in my old favorite spots because I’ve seen the truth.   You will never see me searching for that old crown because my life is now radiant, and I wear a crown of joy.  It’s not bejeweled with false humility but with hope.  And, I’ll keep spinning for as long as it takes for the world to catch the sparkles and trade their crowns for truth.  It’s only the beginning.

– The Lily

John 10:10

“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].”

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How I Made My Heart Sick

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on How I Made My Heart Sick

I’m a dreamer.  I have aspirations of being a mother, changing the world, funding adoptions, going on wild adventures, traveling the earth, and more.  When I get a new idea, I can transport myself to the end goal and imagine what it will be like when I’m holding my first baby in my arms, when I see the smiles of families who have finally been able to afford adoption, when I glimpse the hope of the world having been changed, when I feel the excitement of adventure, and when I experience the thrill of learning about new cultures and people.  I can see it all.  And in my vision, I believe that it is possible…in fact more than possible…it’s a reality.

While all of these hopes are good, I have made my heart sick.  How is that even possible?  I have been deferring my passions.  I’ve squelched my creative potential, and I’ve backed down from the dreams.  I’ve allowed disappointments, the lack of instant gratification, words from my past, and lies from the present interfere with the opportunity for me to actually see my hopes come alive.   And, I had no idea what I was doing until recently.  I made an assumption that all of those disappointments and heartbreaking lies were the reality of truth, but they are NOT.

Of course, there are always things that are out of our control which can lead to shattered hopes and dreams, but why have I been adding to the pot?  Why have I allowed myself to make my heart sick?  When I think about it in this perspective, it makes me realize that I have acted like a fool by turning lies into truths and past disappointments into my future.  Since when do they get to control my life?

This is a new season.  It’s time to speak life and hope into our hearts, to watch our dreams become fulfilled, and to sit back and grin with the joy of perseverance.  It’s time to stop putting off our hopes and dreams.  Comparison is not an option as it will only continue to steal from the beauty of your dream becoming reality.  I challenge you to pursue your passions with perseverance and devotion, to allow yourself to dream, to close the door on your past disappointments, and to water the seeds of hope in your heart.  Let them flourish into a tree of life that will produce fruit.  It’s time to come alive.

Growing in Wisdom,

– The Lily

Proverbs 13: 12

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.”

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A Life Exposed

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on A Life Exposed

The truth about a lie is that if it didn’t bring some sort of illusion of safety/protection or sense of pleasure, then NO ONE would do it.  It seems that within every lie there is another deeper lie that brings a counterfeit appearance of truth and goodness that attaches to our emotions of self-gratification.  But, the truth is that it is completely COUNTERFEIT.  It has the appearance of reality, but it can never even come close to touching the truth.

These counterfeit truths in the end only lead to pain and devastation.  When we align our beliefs with them, we compromise our identity and then are thrown into a vicious cycle of speaking out more lies to protect the first lie thus heaping on the pain and devastation that will ultimately lead to our demise, not to mention the other people who are hurt by the same issues.

I’m not just talking about lies regarding stealing cookies from the cookie jar.  I’m talking about the lies that stand in the way of us realizing our creative potential and destiny.  The fears that peak at us through the mirror and the whispers that entice us to indulge ourselves in the instant gratification of removing ourselves from facing the pain of truth.  Because sometimes, facing the truth means being forced to recognize deeply rooted pain that we do not know what to do with or how to heal.  However, choosing to ignore the issues only keeps us locked in the same pain for eternity.  But, when we take steps towards truth, freedom is always on the other side.  So, why do we choose to align our beliefs with lies?

WE MUST STOP!

Why…because the TRUTH  is GOOD NEWS!  While the lies provide a small sense of gratification for a short time, they pale in comparison to the depth of freedom, passion, and purpose that is found when living in truth.  The lies suggest that to be free from pain you need to hide and lick your wounds. STOP IT!!!  That is not how you were created to live!  We were created to reflect the fullness of JOY and LIFE,  to live a life of passion, adventure, and purpose.  We were made to be fully exposed and proud of it.  We are meant for TRUTH.  It’s time to get naked…to strip off the lies no matter how “real” they appear to be…it’s time to expose the beauty of truth because with it comes freedom.  And more importantly, it’s time to be exposed to the fierce and intense power of TRUTH that will break off all of the lies that have kept us locked up in chains of numbness, fantasies, fear, disappointment, anxiety, and more.  It’s a season of freedom.

Stripping down,

The Lily

John 8:32-36

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.  ‘But we are descendants of Abraham,’ they said. ‘We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, You will be set free?’  Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.  A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever.  So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.'”

 

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Love is Not Blind

by iamthelily2 Comments on Love is Not Blind

Love is blind is potentially one of the worst lies that people can believe.  The familiar phrase suggests that when you are loved by someone, you will never actually be seen and accepted for who you are.  There will either always be a foggy haze over the eyes of the person giving you love or that person will maintain total blindness throughout the entirety of your relationship.  The truth is that saying love is blind diminishes the weight and depth of love to something that is more self-serving.  It suggests that in any given relationship, love does not have the potential or capability of continuing if given the opportunity to completely see the truth of who you really are.

I think most Americans would agree that one of the most popular illustrations of love often found at wedding ceremonies can be found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.”

And this is where I’m left troubled because if love really is defined by the actions above and the idea that love being blind is really true, then we are all doomed.  We will never then be able to actually receive love because we will never truly be seen.  So, which one is true?

Through my experience, I believe that it is IMPOSSIBLE for real love to be blind.  True love has to be selfless.  When love is selfless, it is not out to receive praise or attention.  Its confidence does not change based on how many likes or comments it receives.  It is not swayed when it is rejected or betrayed because it is ALWAYS rooted and grounded in truth.  It is able to look beyond situations, circumstances, and offense to fully see a person with eyes wide open.  It sees beyond the ugly to the gold buried deep inside, locks its gaze on the gold, and never stops loving until that gold overtakes the person from the inside-out causing them to radiate the beauty of their true identity.  When we say that love is blind, we actually continue to heap dirt over the gold that is buried inside of that person so that in order to find it one will need the deepest oil drill that has yet to be invented.

My identity will not be compromised, nor should yours.  Do not cheapen your value or fall prey to counterfeit definitions of love.  You are meant for more.  Before the creation of the world, you were being called by LOVE, and His name is Jesus.  If you want to know more about love, find a Bible and read the Book of John.  Even if you have never gone to church, opened a Bible, or even know what the heck I’m talking about, if there was any part of this that sparked your interest or brought new revelation to your value and/or love then why not give it a try?  What’s the worst that could happen?

You will always find what your heart is searching for, so keep searching for real love.  I guarantee that you will find it.

With Eyes Wide Open,

– The Lily

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Looking for Hope

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Looking for Hope

It’s the start of 2017, and I must say that I feel like I have entered in with a whirl of declarations, hope and purpose…only to be hit with an onslaught of negative thoughts, old and ugly memories, and a sense of purposelessness.  Why is it that so often when we are able to muster up the discipline needed to declare a new season in life, that it often feels like we lace up our shoes, put a huge smile on, spin on our heals anticipating the exhilaration of destiny only to run smack dab into a brick wall.  [Side note: This reminds me of the time when my teasing husband grabbed my arm to keep me from going to the kitchen, but instead the force of my attempted escape ended up throwing me smack dab into the hallway wall where my nose and the wall became extremely intimate a little too quickly. haha]  But, honestly that’s how life often feels like when we make decisions to change.

So, what do we do about it?  In the past, I’ve found myself give up.  I start listening to the negative thoughts and believing that they are true.  I start comparing myself to the endless perfect smiles on social media, I look at all of my friends who appear to be living the dream, and I grab my favorite snack while sitting on the couch filling my mind with useless tv shows pretending that my short little escape is actually true comfort when it is nowhere close.  And, I do this over and over again until I have thoroughly validated my pain and self-medicated with all of the things that bring me “comfort.”  And, it’s completely okay and well deserved because I of course am the “only one” who has ever been this lonely, disappointed, hurt, rejected, etc.  Unfortunately, the cycle never ends…until now.

This year is different.  I haven’t had a radical mindset shift.  My emotions and the negative/discouraging feelings have not subsided (if anything they have increased), but something has changed.  I planted a seed.  I planted a seed of truth that will grow because I will not stand in its way.  What’s this magical seed?  It’s certainly not a magical bean from Jack.  No, it’s something better than that.  It’s a seed of truth that my emotions will not dictate my life.  In fact, my emotions are subject to what I choose, and this year I’m choosing truth.  And, the truth is that I am AMAZING.  The truth is that if I could switch places with anyone on this earth (past, present or future), I wouldn’t because I would never get the opportunity to see the masterpiece that is me.  And, I want a ticket on that ride.  I want to watch my life unfold.  I want to live unselfishly and alive.  I want to love with passion and devotion.  I want to give life-giving freedom to everyone I meet, and I want to bring as many people with me as possible.

So, as you start this new year, will you join me?  Let’s take a chance on the impossible.  What if, this was a year of freedom from letting the fear of disappointment paralyze you from dreaming?  What if this was the  year you took a risk?  What if this was the year you reached your goals?  What if this was the year you could celebrate the success of others?  What if this was the year that when you looked in the mirror you smiled?  What if this was the year you looked at life with anticipation instead of expectation?

No one can force you, and I guarantee that this journey will be challenging.  But, will you take it with me?  I want to live a life that is loud and free, and I don’t want to do it alone.  I’m choosing to believe in the truth that will set me free from the control of my emotions and the negative thoughts that ensue.  It’s time to light the world on fire.  It’s time to awaken love.  And, it’s time to dream.

Let’s step into the impossible, and see it as the normal thing to do.

With Anticipation,

The Lily