About Marriage

The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part 2

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The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part 2

The greatest treasure that I have found in my marriage is the realization that I am deeply loved and as a result, I get to love my husband.  I alone have the privilege of honoring my husband and calling out the divine destiny that is inside of him through the most intimate relationship two people can have – marriage.

I used to imagine that my greatest calling on this earth would be to influence thousands and thousands of people.  Even after I was married, I believed that my destiny was somewhere floating on the clouds of my dreams – drifting by always a little out of reach.  I thought that my future children would be my purpose in life, and I imagined spending all of my time and energy laughing and playing in the back yard.  Even still, I pictured my career taking off and me soaring into my professional destiny as fulfillment of my lifelong purpose.  But, I was wrong about all of those.

You see, I have come to the realization that inside of my marriage, I have been handpicked to love my husband and call out the greatness inside of him.  And, that is my greatest assignment.  Because here is the secret that I missed for years…love is POWERFUL.  It is teeming with life, and it brings healing to everyone it encounters.  Love awakens passions and creativity in explosive bursts of sustainable and compounding energy.  Love causes the greatness inside of a person to roar.  Perfect Love casts out all fear.  It quickens the heart of the adventurer to pursue even grander exploits.  Love forgives and keeps no record of wrongs.  Love ALWAYS hopes.  And, I GET the PRIVILEGE of loving my husband well!

All this time, I had it backwards.   It was all about me, but I never actually reached any sort of fulfillment because I was always expecting instead of anticipating.  Now, everyday is a new adventure laced with anticipation.  Everyday is full of new mercy and grace to love well.  Everyday is filled to the brim with the hope of greatness because as I align myself with Perfect Love, I get to watch my husband grow into who he was created to be.  And, it is THE BEST treasure I could have ever found.

Growing in Love,

– The Lily

Song of Solomon 8:6

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”

About Marriage

The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I

by iamthelily2 Comments on The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I
The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I

I spent my childhood dreaming of the day I would fall in love and walk down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams.  The idea of being loved and wanted by someone was always on my mind.  Thoughts of being swept off my feet, being kissed in the rain, receiving spontaneous flowers and gifts, strolling along the beach hand-in-hand, being serenaded in the moonlight, dancing in the kitchen to the cascading sounds of Sinatra, and being the forever woman of someone’s dreams floated in and out of my subconscious both day and night.  I filled myself with romantic comedies and romance novels dreaming of what it would be like to have a real life romance like that every day for the rest of my life.  I would be the star of someone else’s life and vice versa, or so I thought…

You see, the problem with my thinking is that I didn’t really want someone else to be the star in my life.  In my head, I assumed that my presence would ultimately be the undoing of my spouse to where all he would ever want day/night would be to watch me star in the movie of our marriage.  I assumed that I was THE BEST GIFT that my marriage would ever receive.  Of course, in my head I had no idea that my pattern of thinking was so extremely selfish.  In my head, it all made complete sense.  My line of thinking didn’t seem quite so selfish because I also wanted to love and care for my husband.  I knew to some degree that my role as a wife would be to invest in my spouse, but at the end of the day I believed that I would still be the star.

Unfortunately, it has taken me years to come to a place where I realize that I in fact am not meant to be the one and only star in my marriage.  Not only am I not to be the one and only star, but my intimacy (in every area) with my husband is not about me either.  I wish someone would have told me this before I got married.  I don’t know that I would have listened and/or fully understood, but if I could go back in time, I would sit down with my 24 year-old-self and have a long talk.  I would look her in the eyes and tell her so many things.  I would let her know that her value goes far beyond the feelings she arouses in her husband.  I would let her know that she is loved far more than what her spouse, family, or friends could ever communicate.  I would gently remind her that her marriage has so much more purpose than what she is going to receive from it.  And, I would teach her about the greatest gifts of marriage – love.

In all of my yearnings to be wanted and loved, I had misunderstood what true love is.  True love is not selfish, but some of the roots I planted in my marriage early on were completely self-centered.  You see, I’ve learned that true love is beyond description.  And as I’ve started to glimpse the beauty of true love, I have received the gifts it offers in return, and they are far more valuable than the self-seeking gifts I had been pining for during my years of singleness and early marriage.

The beauty of true love is that as I grow in my identity/knowledge of how loved I am by Love Himself, I am able to give and receive love in abundance.  And, this love that I have found is passionate and fierce.  It cannot be tamed.  It is tenacious and wildly zealous.  It cannot be quenched.  Its gentle ferocity is a force like none have seen on this earth.  It gives without self-seeking.  It awakens the hearts of both the giver and receiver.  It has shown me that my greatest purpose on this earth is the privilege of loving my husband and calling out the greatness inside of him, and all I want is more.

[…to be continued…]

Learning to Love,

– The Lily

Song of Solomon 8:7

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.”

About Life

It’s About Direction Not Perfection

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It’s About Direction Not Perfection

Many people including myself fall into the trap of believing that perfection trumps direction; however, when we align ourselves with this belief, we submit ourselves to bondage. Without realizing it, living under the law of perfection causes us to actually place shackles around our already freed wrists and ankles believing that imprisoning ourselves is a righteous and just act.  We take the whip and strike ourselves every time we fall short.  We listen to the lies of regret and guilt that heap on condemnation all the while accusingly pointing their gnarly fingers at us commanding us to put on even more shackles as the ones we had before were inadequate.  Thus chains keep coming without reprieve, and the most unfortunate part of this story is that we are both the tormentor and the tormented.

Living under the law of perfection comes in many forms.  It rears its head every time we are unable to receive forgiveness from others and/or ourselves.  It shows up in the guise of stress and anxiety.  It keeps us from being able to receive and believe that we are really and truly loved.  It believes that there is always a catch to a person’s kindness towards us as we have an underlying belief that we don’t deserve it.  It masquerades as the idea that there will always be someone better than us; therefore, we will never actually be able to achieve our dreams as someone else is more perfect/deserving.  It breaks down our spirit when we receive any kind of constructive criticism especially when that criticism is unwanted and/or goes against our own perception of the situation.  It stunts growth, and it creates victims and individuals who see failure as a death sentence.

The good news is that this isn’t how we were meant to live.  There IS a better way.  When we shift our motto from one of living under the oppressiveness of perfection to one of focusing on direction, we break free from our chains and are able to flourish.  We are able to begin to receive love as we realize that it is not about our performance or what we bring to the table.  We are able to accept constructive criticism as we are not afraid to grow.  We see failure as an opportunity to learn and become more than we were before.  We believe that we really are forgiven when we wrong others, and therefore our relationships are able to heal and deepen.  We no longer run and hide in shame when we mess up because we realize that our identity is not based on performance.  We allow ourselves the opportunity to live and love.  Instead of weakening ourselves, we strengthen ourselves and in doing so, we begin to change the world.

Through my experience, I have realized that I can only get so far in my own efforts.  I can choose to retrain my mind to come in alignment with this truth; however, when I pair it with the realization that I am loved by God Himself, I reach higher levels than I ever could have experienced on my own.  I can’t explain what happens other than a divine alliance between myself and Truth, and it is the most beautiful miracle I’ve ever experienced.  It is a place of intimacy that breeds life and freedom where grace flows abundantly.  So, I challenge you to invite God into this equation.  Ask Him to show you how to shift your mindset to align with this truth.  You might just be surprised to see how He answers you.

Growing in Grace,

– The Lily

Philippians 3:13-15

“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.”
About Life

Real Hope

by iamthelily3 Comments on Real Hope
Real Hope

Real hope comes as a result of truth spoken in love and shielded by faith.  It rides on the wings of anticipation, and it shifts atmospheres.  It can be seen in the eyes of a child or in the smiles of the old.  It is more delicate than a flower, but stronger than an army.  It is water to the soul and a lamp to the misguided.  It brings life wherever it goes. It’s the fuel of miracles and the foundation of dreams.  And, it is real.

The beauty of hope is that it cannot disappoint when it rides on the wings of anticipation.  Anticipation allows us to await eagerly what is to come.  It keeps offense from entering our hearts and minds as it sees every circumstance as an opportunity for a miracle.  It keeps our hearts humble and teachable all the while allowing us to enter into the thrill of the unknown.  It creates a pathway for creativity to spring forth and awaken our passions. Hope then takes those passions and sets them on fire.

Real hope has eyes to see past old ways of thinking and the ability to lock in with the truth.  It can see the gold in any situation no matter what appears to be on the outside, and it doesn’t get confused when the gold is being refined.  You see, the gold is sometimes buried so deeply inside of our circumstances that before it can come to the surface and grow, it needs to be cleaned.  Unfortunately, sometimes when the cleansing waters come, the dirt surrounding the gold turns to mud, and the gold looks even worse than it did before.  But, true hope knows and believes that the bleakness of the mud is a result of something beautiful that is being formed.  Real hope doesn’t get distracted by the ugliness of the outer appearance.  It doesn’t get overwhelmed or fearful that the gold will be stuck in mud forever.  It doesn’t give up and drop the gold back in the dirt.  Real hope has the ability to see that the gold is still there, and that these circumstances are only purifying the gold to bring about its true value regardless of its appearance.

Hope brings about the miraculous.  It is a forerunner for the impossible, and it heals the soul.  Give yourself permission to live in anticipation and rely on hope.  Allow yourself to awaken to new passions, to heal, and to come alive.  And if you get caught in some mud through the process, take the time to find the gold.  You won’t be disappointed.

Looking for Gold,

– The Lily

Proverbs 10:28

“The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish.”

About Life

Lies + Truth = Lies

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Lies + Truth = Lies

I think that some of the most hurtful lies are not the ones that are blatant and outright, but they are the ones that are sprinkled with truth.  They are the zingers laced in sarcasm, the truth framed in fear, and/or the hope tied to negative expectations.  The most devastating part of these lies is that there is a nugget of truth to them; however, the way in which the truth is communicated sets people up for more pain and confusion than most blatant lies.  These types of lies are masked with a sense of care that appeal to the need of the human heart to be loved, but even though there are bits of truth they are drowned out in the package that they come in – a lie.

These lies not only influence the recipient, but they set the giver up for failure as well.  They produce a sense of genuine care and concern for the other person.  The lies take on the assumption that because there is a bit of truth, then the package in which they are coming in is wrapped in true love and concern for the recipient’s well-being.  Thus, both parties are left reeling in confusion all the while believing that every word and feeling behind the words are evidence of real truth and care.  But, that is not the case.

Real truth can only be given in love.  And, love always hopes, it never gives up, it always believes the best, it is never self-seeking, it doesn’t boast, and it is always given without strings attached.  To discern whether or not your truth is laced in lies, take a step back and evaluate the feelings behind what you are communicating.  Are you picking up old shields of self-protection?  Are you speaking truth to get something in return?  Are you believing the best?

Speaking the truth and loving well requires us to lay down those shields of self-protection.  It asks us to give our trust to Hope and allow Faith and Love to protect us and meet the needs within our hearts.  It requires strength beyond what is humanly possible.  And, it can only truly be done when you find your true Hope and Love from the One who created them.  It’s time to stop lying, to love fiercely, and to hope fervently.  It’s time to trust.

Taking A Risk,

– The Lily

Isaiah 26:3
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

 

 

About Identity

Finding Significance

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Finding Significance
Finding Significance

Life seems to be an endless scavenger hunt in the search for significance.  We look for clues everyday to tell us where our true significance lies.  We look for it in the expressions of the ones we love, in the numbers at the end of the day, in the smiles of content customers, in the giggles of children, in the praise of a boss, in the dreams of our future, and in the man in the mirror.  And yet, all of those glimpses of significance are only clues that will either lead us to true significance or send us on a never-ending wild goose chase.

I’ve done both, and I can tell you that the goose chase only leaves you empty inside.  The goose chase can bring you the highs that come with accolades from a great performance or with the approving gaze of a stranger.  These highs feel exhilarating, but the problem is that they are short-lived and addicting.  They actually condition us to seek out more attention and praise in order to get the next hit of euphoria, but what we don’t realize is that in our search for significance we actually give up our identity.  We become only as good as the next high-five or pat on the back.  The things we once loved seem to dim as they aren’t quite as appealing as they once were.  We need bigger and better words of praise, and our performance now feeds our significance thus causing us to miss out on the joy of who we are meant to be.  It is a vicious cycle with the allusion of importance, but in reality we are stripping ourselves of our very identity.

So, how do you avoid the endless goose chase?  Well, what I can tell you is that your true significance can only come from the God who created you.  He is the only one who can actually speak truth to you in a way that will cause your soul and spirit to awaken to who you really are created to be.  And, the only way to hear Him speak to you is to ask Him too.  It’s really that simple.  It most likely won’t be an audible voice, but the more you ask, the more you will start to see the truth of who you are meant to be – a man/woman of significance marked by LOVE.  And, the best part about this revelation is that it doesn’t have highs and lows.  It only has highs that get higher. PERIOD.  It doesn’t leave you in a funk always searching for the next bigger and better thing to tell you that you are worth something.  It has a finality to it that is eternal, and quite frankly it is the biggest and best thing that there is in this life.

Although this may be new, I challenge you to take a few minutes each day this week, and ask God to show you your significance.  It doesn’t have to be anything fancy.  You don’t even have to close your eyes.  Just ask Him, and listen to what He has to say.  I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Asking and Listening,

– The Lily

Jeremiah 33:3

“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

 

Uncategorized

Deciding to Stop Self-destructing

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Deciding to Stop Self-destructing

It’s easy to attempt to protect myself.  Life has thrown and will continue to throw plenty of opportunities for me to choose to pick up my handcrafted shields and attempt to protect myself from hurt.  Believe me, I have an assortment of shields for every occasion – rejection, fear, confusion, disappointment, loss, etc.  I’ve got them all, but let me tell you something.  They DON’T work.  Well I take that back, they work to keep me stifled, trapped in fear, discouraged, bitter, confused, etc.  They shield me from who I am created to be and from my creative potential to be confident and bold in the knowledge that I am free and loved.

In the past, I’ve held up those shields thinking they were working for me instead of against me.  I thought that by staying hidden, I was saving myself from being hurt by people.   I would awkwardly hide behind my outgoing husband, my job, other friends, and the list continues.  I wouldn’t allow myself to just be completely me.  Even with the people closest to me, I would pick up my shields and attempt to make everyone happy, but I paid a price…me.  I missed out on the opportunity to see my value.  I missed out on the opportunity to not only enjoy being me but to LOVE it.

So, what did I do?  I took someone else’s armor and shield.  It’s true.  I shamelessly decided that mine weren’t working out very well, and I traded them.  My new shield is called Faith.  It has been forged through fire, and it cannot be destroyed.  It does not cause me to cower and hide in fear.   It doesn’t buckle under pressure, and it doesn’t melt in the face of lies.  And the best part is that it not only protects me, but it empowers me to see my true value.  And as a result, I’m becoming stronger everyday.   It is bringing me into freedom.

I found my shield from the One with the Eyes of Love.  I didn’t realize how many gifts He has for me.  I had no idea how good He is, nor did I understand that He desires to love and protect me.  He wants me to walk in joy every day.  Before, I assumed that He was sending messages about how He thought of me through the pain of my circumstances.  But, I was so wrong.  I’m on HIS side, and He WANTS to protect me.  And, guess what…I’m going to let Him.

With My Shield,

– The Lily

Ephesians 6:16
“In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one”
Uncategorized

Trading My Crown of Pity

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Trading My Crown of Pity

I’ve lived most of my life subconsciously thinking that the greatest act of glory I could bring myself was by proudly adorning my head with a crown of pity bejeweled with stones of false humility.  I walked around with my face downcast displaying the hardships of my life in a way that would hopefully cause others to notice the strength of my identity as I had faced more trials and pain than many would in a lifetime.  My tears and downtrodden countenance were a permanent tattoo for the world to see that my life had been marked in pain, and yet I was strong.  I believed there was a depth to me that was unparalleled because of the internal pain I suffered.  And the more pain I felt, the bigger my crown became and the larger my jewels.  I would never shout from a megaphone that I wanted the sympathy and empathy of others, but that is how I lived my life without saying a word.  And, what did I realize?

It is 100% a load of crap.  WHAT?!?!?!

Yes, it’s true.  The best way I can describe it is that I was living in a pile of dung thinking I was at a day spa.  I would rub the feces all over myself imagining that the warmth was comforting.  The wind would blow causing the stench to be drowned out by the smell of flowers down the field, and I would get lost in my pile of dung.  Those scents of floral ecstasy were the feelings of sentiment expressed by the ones I loved who would reach down grab a handful of dung and rub my back with it.  And, then there were the times where the wind would stop, and I would get a glimpse of reality.  Those were the times when the pain would become overwhelming and try to swallow me whole.  The highs and lows of my emotions were extreme, and they were controlling my life until recently.

I don’t have a magic formula for how to get out of a dung spa.  And, I wasn’t the one who got myself out of it.  There was a moment recently where while I was sitting in my pile of dung, I could see there were at least 5 more truck loads of feces backing up to add to my pile.  And, there was also a crown of pity at least 100x larger than the one I was wearing that was waiting for me if I chose to take it.  But for the first time in my life I had a moment of divine clarity in which I could see my mess for what it was, and I looked up and I saw the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.  I saw the Eyes of Love, and as I got lost in His eyes, His hand reached down, grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of my mess.

When I stood before Him, the stench of my self-pity vanished.  He took my crown and tossed it to the side.  It had lost all of its previous glory and beauty.  In His presence, it looked dingy, tarnished, and cheap.  And, then I watched as He pulled from behind His back the most beautiful and simple crown I have ever seen.  It was the most delicate floral masterpiece covered in diamonds and reflecting the light of His eyes in a thousand directions.  He placed it on my head, and I began to spin.  As I twirled, I watched the light catch and send dancing sparkles in a thousand directions.  He put a smile on my face and love in my eyes where there had been pain and disappointment.  He gave me true beauty, and I will never be the same.

You won’t find me back in my old favorite spots because I’ve seen the truth.   You will never see me searching for that old crown because my life is now radiant, and I wear a crown of joy.  It’s not bejeweled with false humility but with hope.  And, I’ll keep spinning for as long as it takes for the world to catch the sparkles and trade their crowns for truth.  It’s only the beginning.

– The Lily

John 10:10

“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].”

Uncategorized

How I Made My Heart Sick

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on How I Made My Heart Sick

I’m a dreamer.  I have aspirations of being a mother, changing the world, funding adoptions, going on wild adventures, traveling the earth, and more.  When I get a new idea, I can transport myself to the end goal and imagine what it will be like when I’m holding my first baby in my arms, when I see the smiles of families who have finally been able to afford adoption, when I glimpse the hope of the world having been changed, when I feel the excitement of adventure, and when I experience the thrill of learning about new cultures and people.  I can see it all.  And in my vision, I believe that it is possible…in fact more than possible…it’s a reality.

While all of these hopes are good, I have made my heart sick.  How is that even possible?  I have been deferring my passions.  I’ve squelched my creative potential, and I’ve backed down from the dreams.  I’ve allowed disappointments, the lack of instant gratification, words from my past, and lies from the present interfere with the opportunity for me to actually see my hopes come alive.   And, I had no idea what I was doing until recently.  I made an assumption that all of those disappointments and heartbreaking lies were the reality of truth, but they are NOT.

Of course, there are always things that are out of our control which can lead to shattered hopes and dreams, but why have I been adding to the pot?  Why have I allowed myself to make my heart sick?  When I think about it in this perspective, it makes me realize that I have acted like a fool by turning lies into truths and past disappointments into my future.  Since when do they get to control my life?

This is a new season.  It’s time to speak life and hope into our hearts, to watch our dreams become fulfilled, and to sit back and grin with the joy of perseverance.  It’s time to stop putting off our hopes and dreams.  Comparison is not an option as it will only continue to steal from the beauty of your dream becoming reality.  I challenge you to pursue your passions with perseverance and devotion, to allow yourself to dream, to close the door on your past disappointments, and to water the seeds of hope in your heart.  Let them flourish into a tree of life that will produce fruit.  It’s time to come alive.

Growing in Wisdom,

– The Lily

Proverbs 13: 12

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.”

beauty, Uncategorized

A Life Exposed

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The truth about a lie is that if it didn’t bring some sort of illusion of safety/protection or sense of pleasure, then NO ONE would do it.  It seems that within every lie there is another deeper lie that brings a counterfeit appearance of truth and goodness that attaches to our emotions of self-gratification.  But, the truth is that it is completely COUNTERFEIT.  It has the appearance of reality, but it can never even come close to touching the truth.

These counterfeit truths in the end only lead to pain and devastation.  When we align our beliefs with them, we compromise our identity and then are thrown into a vicious cycle of speaking out more lies to protect the first lie thus heaping on the pain and devastation that will ultimately lead to our demise, not to mention the other people who are hurt by the same issues.

I’m not just talking about lies regarding stealing cookies from the cookie jar.  I’m talking about the lies that stand in the way of us realizing our creative potential and destiny.  The fears that peak at us through the mirror and the whispers that entice us to indulge ourselves in the instant gratification of removing ourselves from facing the pain of truth.  Because sometimes, facing the truth means being forced to recognize deeply rooted pain that we do not know what to do with or how to heal.  However, choosing to ignore the issues only keeps us locked in the same pain for eternity.  But, when we take steps towards truth, freedom is always on the other side.  So, why do we choose to align our beliefs with lies?

WE MUST STOP!

Why…because the TRUTH  is GOOD NEWS!  While the lies provide a small sense of gratification for a short time, they pale in comparison to the depth of freedom, passion, and purpose that is found when living in truth.  The lies suggest that to be free from pain you need to hide and lick your wounds. STOP IT!!!  That is not how you were created to live!  We were created to reflect the fullness of JOY and LIFE,  to live a life of passion, adventure, and purpose.  We were made to be fully exposed and proud of it.  We are meant for TRUTH.  It’s time to get naked…to strip off the lies no matter how “real” they appear to be…it’s time to expose the beauty of truth because with it comes freedom.  And more importantly, it’s time to be exposed to the fierce and intense power of TRUTH that will break off all of the lies that have kept us locked up in chains of numbness, fantasies, fear, disappointment, anxiety, and more.  It’s a season of freedom.

Stripping down,

The Lily

John 8:32-36

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.  ‘But we are descendants of Abraham,’ they said. ‘We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, You will be set free?’  Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.  A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever.  So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.'”