anxiety – I AM THE LILY

You can’t always control the thoughts that come through your head, and I used to think that many of the thoughts that came through my head meant that I was defined by them; however, what I have come to realize is that it isn’t true. Yesterday, was a day of putting back together puzzle pieces that I had knocked to the floor two days ago. However, yesterday as I was putting back the pieces, I managed to grab a few pieces that looked like they fit, but in reality didn’t fit at all…

Even though I made a conscious choice yesterday to choose to put the pieces of the puzzle back together, fear still tried to slip in and get me off track. Even this morning, it reared its ugly head attempting to get me to hold onto offenses in order to self-protect, to swallow the poison it wanted to attach to genuine acts of love from those I love, and to get lost in its destructive nature. It almost felt like fear was sitting right next to me handing me puzzle pieces that looked exactly like the real ones, but when I tried to make them fit it didn’t work. Not to mention, when I stepped back from the puzzle, they looked counterfeit.

The good news is that fear did not win. And just because I had those involuntary thoughts (that had I chosen to believe them would have not only negatively impacted me but also those I love), doesn’t mean that I am still a slave to fear! It’s just not who I am. I am someone who believes the best in all circumstances, even when it’s hard.

This morning when I woke up and fear started attempting to get me to align with its lies, I went into our room and shared my thoughts with my husband. And, I was blown away by the grace he gave me as I voiced some of the lies that were trying to creep into my brain. One of fear’s goals is to not only rob you of everything you are and the relationships you have, but it also wants to ISOLATE you to where you feel completely alone and like you can trust no one. It puts you in a place where you begin to question the motives of everyone you meet because it tells you that in order to be safe, you have to protect yourself. And, that is just not true.

As soon as I had voiced the fears that were trying to influence me, instead of being offended or trying to self-protect like most of us tend to do (especially with the ones closest to us), my husband laid down his opportunity to pick up offense and cared with and for me. He spoke truth and peace over me, and as he prayed for me all of those fears vanished. It was like a heavy fog of confusion lifted, and I could see clearly again. My husband’s love for me is the most beautiful gift I have ever received. He has taught me what it looks like to be loved unconditionally. He has shown me what it means to truly love and fight for the ones you love. He never gives up even when it is hard. He has given me grace over and over again. He doesn’t hold things against me or shut me out because he walks in the confidence of who he was created to be. He willing lays down his own shields of self-protection and instead takes up his shield of faith because he knows Truth intimately, and he is not afraid. He is teaching me how to love and give grace abundantly, and it is the most beautiful gift I have ever received.

Today, as I finish out my day I have hope because the involuntary thoughts that come to me are seeds waiting to be planted. They are not part of who I am, but I get to choose what I am going to do with them. I have the power to plant and water them or to reject them, but regardless they do not define who I am. And should fear attempt to knock on my door again today, I will thank God for what He has saved me from, and I will plant a seed of faith in its place because I am becoming the woman I was made to be. And, I will not stop on this journey. I will not give up because if I don’t quit…I win.

Planting Seeds and Making Things Right,

– The Lily

Romans 12:2

“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”

Many people including myself fall into the trap of believing that perfection trumps direction; however, when we align ourselves with this belief, we submit ourselves to bondage. Without realizing it, living under the law of perfection causes us to actually place shackles around our already freed wrists and ankles believing that imprisoning ourselves is a righteous and just act. We take the whip and strike ourselves every time we fall short. We listen to the lies of regret and guilt that heap on condemnation all the while accusingly pointing their gnarly fingers at us commanding us to put on even more shackles as the ones we had before were inadequate. Thus chains keep coming without reprieve, and the most unfortunate part of this story is that we are both the tormentor and the tormented.

Living under the law of perfection comes in many forms. It rears its head every time we are unable to receive forgiveness from others and/or ourselves. It shows up in the guise of stress and anxiety. It keeps us from being able to receive and believe that we are really and truly loved. It believes that there is always a catch to a person’s kindness towards us as we have an underlying belief that we don’t deserve it. It masquerades as the idea that there will always be someone better than us; therefore, we will never actually be able to achieve our dreams as someone else is more perfect/deserving. It breaks down our spirit when we receive any kind of constructive criticism especially when that criticism is unwanted and/or goes against our own perception of the situation. It stunts growth, and it creates victims and individuals who see failure as a death sentence.

The good news is that this isn’t how we were meant to live. There IS a better way. When we shift our motto from one of living under the oppressiveness of perfection to one of focusing on direction, we break free from our chains and are able to flourish. We are able to begin to receive love as we realize that it is not about our performance or what we bring to the table. We are able to accept constructive criticism as we are not afraid to grow. We see failure as an opportunity to learn and become more than we were before. We believe that we really are forgiven when we wrong others, and therefore our relationships are able to heal and deepen. We no longer run and hide in shame when we mess up because we realize that our identity is not based on performance. We allow ourselves the opportunity to live and love. Instead of weakening ourselves, we strengthen ourselves and in doing so, we begin to change the world.

Through my experience, I have realized that I can only get so far in my own efforts. I can choose to retrain my mind to come in alignment with this truth; however, when I pair it with the realization that I am loved by God Himself, I reach higher levels than I ever could have experienced on my own. I can’t explain what happens other than a divine alliance between myself and Truth, and it is the most beautiful miracle I’ve ever experienced. It is a place of intimacy that breeds life and freedom where grace flows abundantly. So, I challenge you to invite God into this equation. Ask Him to show you how to shift your mindset to align with this truth. You might just be surprised to see how He answers you.

Growing in Grace,

– The Lily

Philippians 3:13-15

“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.”

Tag: anxiety

Finding the Right Pieces

It’s About Direction Not Perfection

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