Tag: beauty

About Life

The Friend I Never Knew

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on The Friend I Never Knew

It’s me.  What?  Yeah, it’s true.  After 31 years, I am beginning a new friendship, and it’s with myself.  I know that it may sound weird or crazy, but I just realized that for the majority of my life I have been my own “mean girl.”  Obviously, I didn’t do this intentionally.  I don’t think anyone in their right mind would become their own worst enemy, but somehow that is exactly what I did.

Everyone speaks to themselves whether it is out loud or in their heads.  We all do it.  We are quick to share our opinions, judgments, and offenses.  As soon as we screw up a project at work, we listen to the first thoughts in our head that tell us we are a failure, and then we beat ourselves up over and over again.  And, we don’t stop there.  We continue to listen to the lies, and we remind ourselves about all of the other situations in our lives where we have been in a similar circumstance and have made the same mistakes.  We call ourselves stupid and condemn our potential.  We align with the first accusatory notions that creep into the back of our brains.  We stand in front of the mirror, and we pinpoint every single potential flaw, fixate on it, and project ugliness over our entire body.  We refuse to let ourselves receive a compliment.  We choose to believe that compliments and kind words are actually being laced in sarcasm.  Or, we negate the kindness/compliment because if he/she knew who we really were then he/she would NEVER in a million years dream of showing that same kindness.  We choose to listen to fear, and align ourselves with the lies that we will never be good enough.  We stay in a place of judgement against ourselves as we compare ourselves to both the people we deem better than ourselves and less than.  Our worth comes through our own perverted judgments, and it has FINALLY started to make me sick.

I don’t get it.  We have been so conditioned by society, our environment, and our own personal experiences that we have bought into the lie that we have to be our own worst enemy.  We believe that we will ALWAYS disappoint ourselves.  We will ALWAYS be watched by others because if we are watching ourselves this intently…then EVERYONE must be watching us with the same (if not more) intensity.  We HAVE to be on trial every minute of the day.  Otherwise, we will be deemed a permanent ugly, miserable, outcast who doesn’t know how to dress, has no personality, will never amount to anything, is a terrible example of a human being, and is basically a disgrace to all mankind.  We are not worthy of friends, love, children, family, spouses, or any other significant relationship.  Nor, will we ever be able to have any sort of future.  Dreams are for the birds.  We go home at night, sit in front of the tv for hours, and let the doctrines of others filtrate our minds filling us with even more ammo for tomorrow because there are certain to be a thousand more times the next day in which to view ourselves unfit and unworthy to be loved.

This way of living is DISGUSTING and PERVERSE!  It is THE MOST TWISTED perception that we could ever choose to adopt.  IT MUST STOP!

Over the past few years, I have slowly began shifting my previous paradigm.  Don’t get me wrong, it has taken some time and effort, but it’s shifting.  I’ve had to let go of my control, and I’ve had to allow TRUTH to teach me who I really am.  And, as I’ve started to catch glimpses of my incredible and stunning beauty, I’ve started to become my own friend.  Where I used to adopt and align with the first lies that would pop in my head about myself, I now find myself looking to TRUTH and choosing what He says about me.  I’ve started to encourage myself to pursue my dreams and fight for the things I love.  My heart has begun to heal from the many daggers I’ve thrust into its core.  I look in the mirror, and my mind is flooded with praise and warm accolades of my body.  My eyes have started to sparkle, and my smile doesn’t fade quite as much as it used to.  Through TRUTH, I have unlocked my creativity in ways I never thought were possible.  I pick myself up when I fail, and I remind myself how smart and intelligent I am.  I encourage my spirit to fall deeper in love with TRUTH.  I am becoming quick to forgive myself and to allow grace to flood my heart and mind.  I catch glimpses of the greatness of me, and it causes my face to glow.  I’m not afraid to cast the reflection of TRUTH in a thousand directions because I know that I am the most beautiful carrier of Him that I could ever hope to be.  I’m beginning to look like Him, and as a result…I’ve gained a new friend.

Shifting Paradigms,

– The Lily

Proverbs 17:17a

“A friend loves at all times.”

 

About Life

The Gift of Pain

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on The Gift of Pain
The Gift of Pain

I never realized that with pain came a gift.  To me, it always seemed to just keep me in an utter state of misery.  It came in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but none of them had a pretty red bow on top.  I’ve seen it come wrapped as a package with the tag labeled grief, disappointment, rejection, shattered dreams, missed opportunities, depression, fear, anxiety, and more.  And, believe me those packages have never been received with welcoming arms.  Instead, they’ve produced thousands upon thousands of tears, hurt, and gut wrenching wails from places deeper inside me than I knew I had. And, then there’s the pain that is deeper than your emotions where it touches your spirit and there are no words to describe those depths.  Never once when first handed these packages did I see them as a gift until now.

My mentor has always said, “Everyone has a mess, but it is up to you whether you will allow it to lead you to misery or to your miracle story.”  And, I’ve realized that this is true.  From a place of pain we have an opportunity to either stay in our misery, or we have the opportunity for a miracle story.  Pain gives us the gift of allowing us to see who God really is, should we choose to look.  It requires a new perspective and new lenses in which we can come face to face with God, and peer into the eyes of Love.

I always knew that Jesus died for our sins, but I had no idea that He actually died for our pain as well.  He doesn’t want us to carry it.  You see, I never knew how GOOD God really is.  I didn’t understand how He could really be truly good when I’ve experience so much pain and everywhere I look, I see others in pain too.  I didn’t understand that when Jesus died it was also because He didn’t want me to have to live in my pain and misery.  He stepped in and asked to take it from me.  His love is so great that He is willing to not just take my pain but also carry it for me so that I don’t have to ever pick it up again.  He wants to protect me, and He desires to give me GOOD gifts in exchange.

And at the same time, in the midst of handing over the pain and then seeing it through His eyes, He allows me the privilege of seeing what He sees and feeling what He feels.  He allows me to feel how much He loves others because He doesn’t value one person more than the next.  He allows me the honor of feeling how His heart grieves when the people He loves reject Him.  And, it isn’t a grief that comes from disappointment spurred by rejection; it’s a grief that comes because the people He loves are choosing to not receive the BEST GIFT that has ever existed – LOVE.  He isn’t grieving out of His own personal offense when we make mistakes and bring pain into our lives.  He is grieving instead because He sees how much pain we are bringing into our lives, and He DOESN’T want us to feel that way – EVER.  It was never His intent.  But, as a result of experiencing pain, giving it to Jesus, and then seeing what He sees, I have chosen to receive this gift of love which brings healing to my spirit and has allowed me to begin to love those around me with a hint of the love that He has for them.

The most beautiful and powerful portrayal of this kind of love that I have experienced through pain is in the movie The Shack.  The only words I have to describe it is that it is the most powerful movie I have ever seen in my entire life, and it has the ability to bring healing to the very spirit of man.  It portrays Love in the truest form, and it demonstrates the gift of pain in the most beautiful way I have ever seen.  If you haven’t seen it, you should watch it.  I know it will bring restoration to the deepest parts of who you are should you choose to let it.

Opening Good Gifts,

-The Lily

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]

 

About Life

Lies + Truth = Lies

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Lies + Truth = Lies

I think that some of the most hurtful lies are not the ones that are blatant and outright, but they are the ones that are sprinkled with truth.  They are the zingers laced in sarcasm, the truth framed in fear, and/or the hope tied to negative expectations.  The most devastating part of these lies is that there is a nugget of truth to them; however, the way in which the truth is communicated sets people up for more pain and confusion than most blatant lies.  These types of lies are masked with a sense of care that appeal to the need of the human heart to be loved, but even though there are bits of truth they are drowned out in the package that they come in – a lie.

These lies not only influence the recipient, but they set the giver up for failure as well.  They produce a sense of genuine care and concern for the other person.  The lies take on the assumption that because there is a bit of truth, then the package in which they are coming in is wrapped in true love and concern for the recipient’s well-being.  Thus, both parties are left reeling in confusion all the while believing that every word and feeling behind the words are evidence of real truth and care.  But, that is not the case.

Real truth can only be given in love.  And, love always hopes, it never gives up, it always believes the best, it is never self-seeking, it doesn’t boast, and it is always given without strings attached.  To discern whether or not your truth is laced in lies, take a step back and evaluate the feelings behind what you are communicating.  Are you picking up old shields of self-protection?  Are you speaking truth to get something in return?  Are you believing the best?

Speaking the truth and loving well requires us to lay down those shields of self-protection.  It asks us to give our trust to Hope and allow Faith and Love to protect us and meet the needs within our hearts.  It requires strength beyond what is humanly possible.  And, it can only truly be done when you find your true Hope and Love from the One who created them.  It’s time to stop lying, to love fiercely, and to hope fervently.  It’s time to trust.

Taking A Risk,

– The Lily

Isaiah 26:3
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

 

 

Uncategorized

Trading My Crown of Pity

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Trading My Crown of Pity

I’ve lived most of my life subconsciously thinking that the greatest act of glory I could bring myself was by proudly adorning my head with a crown of pity bejeweled with stones of false humility.  I walked around with my face downcast displaying the hardships of my life in a way that would hopefully cause others to notice the strength of my identity as I had faced more trials and pain than many would in a lifetime.  My tears and downtrodden countenance were a permanent tattoo for the world to see that my life had been marked in pain, and yet I was strong.  I believed there was a depth to me that was unparalleled because of the internal pain I suffered.  And the more pain I felt, the bigger my crown became and the larger my jewels.  I would never shout from a megaphone that I wanted the sympathy and empathy of others, but that is how I lived my life without saying a word.  And, what did I realize?

It is 100% a load of crap.  WHAT?!?!?!

Yes, it’s true.  The best way I can describe it is that I was living in a pile of dung thinking I was at a day spa.  I would rub the feces all over myself imagining that the warmth was comforting.  The wind would blow causing the stench to be drowned out by the smell of flowers down the field, and I would get lost in my pile of dung.  Those scents of floral ecstasy were the feelings of sentiment expressed by the ones I loved who would reach down grab a handful of dung and rub my back with it.  And, then there were the times where the wind would stop, and I would get a glimpse of reality.  Those were the times when the pain would become overwhelming and try to swallow me whole.  The highs and lows of my emotions were extreme, and they were controlling my life until recently.

I don’t have a magic formula for how to get out of a dung spa.  And, I wasn’t the one who got myself out of it.  There was a moment recently where while I was sitting in my pile of dung, I could see there were at least 5 more truck loads of feces backing up to add to my pile.  And, there was also a crown of pity at least 100x larger than the one I was wearing that was waiting for me if I chose to take it.  But for the first time in my life I had a moment of divine clarity in which I could see my mess for what it was, and I looked up and I saw the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.  I saw the Eyes of Love, and as I got lost in His eyes, His hand reached down, grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of my mess.

When I stood before Him, the stench of my self-pity vanished.  He took my crown and tossed it to the side.  It had lost all of its previous glory and beauty.  In His presence, it looked dingy, tarnished, and cheap.  And, then I watched as He pulled from behind His back the most beautiful and simple crown I have ever seen.  It was the most delicate floral masterpiece covered in diamonds and reflecting the light of His eyes in a thousand directions.  He placed it on my head, and I began to spin.  As I twirled, I watched the light catch and send dancing sparkles in a thousand directions.  He put a smile on my face and love in my eyes where there had been pain and disappointment.  He gave me true beauty, and I will never be the same.

You won’t find me back in my old favorite spots because I’ve seen the truth.   You will never see me searching for that old crown because my life is now radiant, and I wear a crown of joy.  It’s not bejeweled with false humility but with hope.  And, I’ll keep spinning for as long as it takes for the world to catch the sparkles and trade their crowns for truth.  It’s only the beginning.

– The Lily

John 10:10

“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].”