Tag: family

About the Heart

My Heart Played Me…

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on My Heart Played Me…
My Heart Played Me…

One of the worst feelings in the world is betrayal.  It cuts deeper than a knife, and it strikes at the very core of who you are.  One word of betrayal can pierce your heart in ways that the imagination cannot even begin to fathom.  This knife makes deep and smooth cuts, but the end result actually leaves the heart looking more like it went through a meat grinder.  It’s unrecognizable.

I remember being in elementary school and putting together heart puzzles on Valentine’s day.  Each piece had an obvious place to fill.  Putting it back together was simple. Even when broken into pieces, the heart still held its beautiful form.  In fact once completed, the seams of the puzzle were almost invisible, and from a distance it looked as though it had never been broken before.  However, that is not the case with betrayal.  After the smooth piercing slice, you discover that your heart is no longer a heart at all.  It has morphed into a mutated bloody heap.  And the crazy part is that you can’t even remember what the original looked like.  What was it’s shape?  Did it even beat?  What was it’s rhythm?  Was it a deep beautiful shade of red?  Everything about what it used to be is wiped completely away.  All memories of the beauty of what was seem to have been ground up and tossed in the gritty mess of what used to be.

But wait…I haven’t even gotten to the worst part.  The most painful moment is not the unrecognizable mess in front of you, nor is it the distant memories of what was.  No, the most devastating part in that moment is realizing that you betrayed yourself.  You were played.

You were walking around showing off your beautiful heart…allowing others to enjoy its beauty with you.  But, the whole time there were forces unbeknownst to you at work to trick and deceive you into betraying the most beautiful gift you have…you.  And in the wake of betraying yourself, you managed to slice a few more hearts in the process.  Leaving you with a heart you can’t recognize, no trace of the beautiful memories that created your masterpiece, and hearts of the people you love bleeding along next to yours.

This happened to me.  Today, in fact.  I betrayed myself today.  And, the worst part is that the devastating betrayal went completely against my intentions.  I never intended to betray myself or anyone that I love.  I never intended to wound anyone.  And, I never intended to deceive myself.  But, I did.  Thinking I was doing the right thing, I ended up pushing someone that I deeply love away from me.   My heart betrayed me.

And while you may feel like intent matters, the truth is that it holds little weight next to the actions.  It’s easy to wish to go back in time and do everything differently, but that is not possible.  Of course, there is grace for mistakes.  But, the truth is that betrayal is painful.  It can leave you feeling hopeless.  And, it can leave you in a place of bitterness.   And, when your own heart betrays you, it can make forgiving yourself and giving yourself grace even more challenging especially when you not only hurt yourself but also those you love.  It can often feel like the end of something great, but it’s not.  It can be the beginning.

Start.  You’re now facing decision time.  The betrayal has already taken place, and now you’re at start. Just like with games, with each new level the decisions can become harder.  The only benefit is the experience/knowledge that you’ve gained from the previous levels.  So, now you decide your adventure. Many people will give up at this point. They will choose to succumb to defeat.  But, those who simply choose to play will win every time. Others will ask, “what’s the point? Why even try a new level?  It takes so much energy, and at least at this level I know I can win every time. I know all of the ins and outs. I know where I can get the hidden prizes, and I know all of the secret shortcuts.  Why keep trying? Why risk getting hurt again? And, what if I die trying?” The problem with this is that these people will never in fact win. They will never actually achieve fulfillment in life.  Their hearts will always be hit again and again in the same level with the disatisfaction of never reaching what’s just on the other side should they choose to continue to play. And, each time the bitterness will creep in a little more and the devastation will create a slightly larger hole until they’re left with a black hole.  The decision to play requires you to face more battles, but it’s one of the most fulfilling victories you will ever taste.  

So, I’ve decided to play.  I don’t know what will be at the next level.  I don’t know if I will face the same opponent just dressed up in a different costume.  I don’t know if I will know where all of the shortcuts are or where all of the extra prizes are.  I don’t know if I’ll move slowly or quickly. I don’t know if my turn will be skipped or if I will end up betraying myself again.  But, what I do know is that eventually I will win.

How can I be so confident?  It’s certainly not because I feel like I have mastered the game.  And, it’s definitely not because I know all of the weaknesses of my opponent, but what I do know is that I can no longer bet my victory on my heart.  My heart will always try to lead itself, and if I’m not careful, it will try to play me again. Instead, I need to anchor my heart on something that will keep it steady.  My heart has the power to bring life to every part of who I am, but it also has the power to hurt me. So, I’m learning. I’m learning to choose hope even when the door has been slammed in my face over and over.  My hope is no longer based on my heart. It’s based on something greater…the growing foundation of my heart…Truth. And, I’m learning to trust even when I’ve been deceived because I’m learning that my trust cannot only rely on my heart…it’s meant to lean on something stronger.  I’m learning to take risks and leap into faith even when I’ve fallen on my face a hundred times because my faith has always been meant to grow. 

One day, I’ll win. One day, I’ll be invited to the next level. One day, I’ll be at start all over again. One day, I’ll go through the same ups and downs as the level before…only with greater intensity.  But….one day, I’ll be a little stronger and a little wiser. And, one day my heart will be a little more anchored. And, one day I’ll smile a little longer. And, one day I’ll trust that the people I’ve wounded along the way will encounter Love in deeper ways than I could ever give love.  And, one day I’ll look back and see the beautiful masterpiece I’ve created. A new heart full of life and wisdom…a heart that beats a melody of love…a heart that is full of laughter…a heart that heals…a heart that brings joy…a heart that found victory…a heart that tells a story of hope.  My heart will find rest.

Jeremiah 17: 9-10;14

“‘The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.  But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human.  I get to the root of things.  I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.’ […] God, pick up the pieces.  Put me back together again. You are my praise!”

Starting,

The Lily

About Friendship

A Letter to My Friend

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on A Letter to My Friend
A Letter to My Friend

Dear Friend,

Thank you…from the bottom of my heart.  The other day we went swimming, and you started giggling because the baby boy inside of you started dancing when you walked into the pool.  I smiled because I love knowing that there is a life growing inside of you.  I smiled because I appreciate how great of a mom you will be to your baby.  And, I smiled because I can’t wait to one day feel that too.  But, then you did something I didn’t expect.  You grabbed my hand and placed it on your belly, and I got to feel your baby boy move his tiny foot or elbow.  And, I was overwhelmed.

I can’t thank you enough for sharing that with me.  The last 6.5 years of trying to conceive and losing three babies has been one of the most up and down roller coasters I have ever experienced.  There was a season of several years where I wanted to hold onto my pain and hide.  I would hide from baby showers, pregnancy announcements, new-born visits, and more.  I allowed pain to go so deep that I could barely hold it together when I was asked by friends when we were planning on trying to have children.

I used to look at babies from a distance…longing to hold them…but not wanting to appear desperate and not wanting to break down.  I didn’t know what to do with the thoughts of jealousy that plagued my heart and mind.  I didn’t know what to do with the disappointment and the fear of disappointment.  I didn’t know what to do with the void that I felt was growing deeper in my heart.  I didn’t  know how tightly I could hold onto hope or for how long.  I didn’t know what to do with the lies that plagued my brain regarding the very essence of my womanhood.  I didn’t know what to do with feeling like I was the most unloved, forgotten, lonely, and unwanted woman on the planet.  I didn’t know how to celebrate others.  I didn’t know how to fix anything.

I remember trying to justify the entire situation by thinking that I could choose gratitude and help other women who were in the same boat.  Maybe if I was good enough, kind enough and loved well enough then just maybe I would be remembered.  Perhaps if I shared enough hope with enough people, then God would look down from Heaven, smile, and bless me with the gift of a child.  But, that’s not how it works.

Hope is not gifted or granted to those who perform well.  Hope is not bestowed upon those who gravel and destroy their value by trying to get everything perfect.  Hope is not a prize to be won.  Hope is not earned or deserved.  Hope is not given to people who only have “the right hearts” or the sincerest of motives.  Hope just comes when it’s time.  It is always waiting nearby.  It stands on the edge waiting to see if you will notice it.  While you are spending your time bathing in the filth of self-pity, anger, and bitterness…hope is ready and waiting to clean you off and clothe you in beauty.  Hope is waiting to grace your lips with a smile, to fill your eyes with light, and to overwhelm your very spirit with joy.  It is waiting to celebrate YOU.

How do you walk in this hope?  You let it take you by surprise.  You can’t plan it.  There is no formula.  You might catch the wave and fall off again, but that’s okay.  It’s not going to leave you.  There will always be a spot for you inside of Hope.  There is a party hat with your name on it, a thousand candles for your dreams to ride upon, and a never-ending celebration waiting for you.  And, the best part of all is that Hope is contagious.  It’s even more infectious than a yawn.  It will spread like wildfire, and you will be released to celebrate with all of the others who choose to receive it.

So, thank you my beautiful friend for surprising me once again with Hope and for allowing me to dream again.  And, thank you sweet baby boy growing inside of my beautiful friend.  You are a carrier of the power of Hope.  I can’t wait to watch you grow into a man of greatness who will set people free and restore in them the audacity to hope and the freedom to dream again because the truth is that you’ve inspired me to sing again.  And one day soon, I’ll kiss those dreams I’ve dreamed, I’ll cradle Hope in my arms, and this part of my song will be complete.

Receiving Gifts I Haven’t Earned,

The Lily

About Life

The Friend I Never Knew

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on The Friend I Never Knew

It’s me.  What?  Yeah, it’s true.  After 31 years, I am beginning a new friendship, and it’s with myself.  I know that it may sound weird or crazy, but I just realized that for the majority of my life I have been my own “mean girl.”  Obviously, I didn’t do this intentionally.  I don’t think anyone in their right mind would become their own worst enemy, but somehow that is exactly what I did.

Everyone speaks to themselves whether it is out loud or in their heads.  We all do it.  We are quick to share our opinions, judgments, and offenses.  As soon as we screw up a project at work, we listen to the first thoughts in our head that tell us we are a failure, and then we beat ourselves up over and over again.  And, we don’t stop there.  We continue to listen to the lies, and we remind ourselves about all of the other situations in our lives where we have been in a similar circumstance and have made the same mistakes.  We call ourselves stupid and condemn our potential.  We align with the first accusatory notions that creep into the back of our brains.  We stand in front of the mirror, and we pinpoint every single potential flaw, fixate on it, and project ugliness over our entire body.  We refuse to let ourselves receive a compliment.  We choose to believe that compliments and kind words are actually being laced in sarcasm.  Or, we negate the kindness/compliment because if he/she knew who we really were then he/she would NEVER in a million years dream of showing that same kindness.  We choose to listen to fear, and align ourselves with the lies that we will never be good enough.  We stay in a place of judgement against ourselves as we compare ourselves to both the people we deem better than ourselves and less than.  Our worth comes through our own perverted judgments, and it has FINALLY started to make me sick.

I don’t get it.  We have been so conditioned by society, our environment, and our own personal experiences that we have bought into the lie that we have to be our own worst enemy.  We believe that we will ALWAYS disappoint ourselves.  We will ALWAYS be watched by others because if we are watching ourselves this intently…then EVERYONE must be watching us with the same (if not more) intensity.  We HAVE to be on trial every minute of the day.  Otherwise, we will be deemed a permanent ugly, miserable, outcast who doesn’t know how to dress, has no personality, will never amount to anything, is a terrible example of a human being, and is basically a disgrace to all mankind.  We are not worthy of friends, love, children, family, spouses, or any other significant relationship.  Nor, will we ever be able to have any sort of future.  Dreams are for the birds.  We go home at night, sit in front of the tv for hours, and let the doctrines of others filtrate our minds filling us with even more ammo for tomorrow because there are certain to be a thousand more times the next day in which to view ourselves unfit and unworthy to be loved.

This way of living is DISGUSTING and PERVERSE!  It is THE MOST TWISTED perception that we could ever choose to adopt.  IT MUST STOP!

Over the past few years, I have slowly began shifting my previous paradigm.  Don’t get me wrong, it has taken some time and effort, but it’s shifting.  I’ve had to let go of my control, and I’ve had to allow TRUTH to teach me who I really am.  And, as I’ve started to catch glimpses of my incredible and stunning beauty, I’ve started to become my own friend.  Where I used to adopt and align with the first lies that would pop in my head about myself, I now find myself looking to TRUTH and choosing what He says about me.  I’ve started to encourage myself to pursue my dreams and fight for the things I love.  My heart has begun to heal from the many daggers I’ve thrust into its core.  I look in the mirror, and my mind is flooded with praise and warm accolades of my body.  My eyes have started to sparkle, and my smile doesn’t fade quite as much as it used to.  Through TRUTH, I have unlocked my creativity in ways I never thought were possible.  I pick myself up when I fail, and I remind myself how smart and intelligent I am.  I encourage my spirit to fall deeper in love with TRUTH.  I am becoming quick to forgive myself and to allow grace to flood my heart and mind.  I catch glimpses of the greatness of me, and it causes my face to glow.  I’m not afraid to cast the reflection of TRUTH in a thousand directions because I know that I am the most beautiful carrier of Him that I could ever hope to be.  I’m beginning to look like Him, and as a result…I’ve gained a new friend.

Shifting Paradigms,

– The Lily

Proverbs 17:17a

“A friend loves at all times.”

 

About Marriage

Finding the Right Pieces

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Finding the Right Pieces
Finding the Right Pieces

You can’t always control the thoughts that come through your head, and I used to think that many of the thoughts that came through my head meant that I was defined by them; however, what I have come to realize is that it isn’t true.   Yesterday, was a day of putting back together puzzle pieces that I had knocked to the floor two days ago.  However, yesterday as I was putting back the pieces, I managed to grab a few pieces that looked like they fit, but in reality didn’t fit at all…

Even though I made a conscious choice yesterday to choose to put the pieces of the puzzle back together, fear still tried to slip in and get me off track.  Even this morning, it reared its ugly head attempting to get me to hold onto offenses in order to self-protect, to swallow the poison it wanted to attach to genuine acts of love from those I love, and to get lost in its destructive nature.  It almost felt like fear was sitting right next to me handing me puzzle pieces that looked exactly like the real ones, but when I tried to make them fit it didn’t work.  Not to mention, when I stepped back from the puzzle, they looked counterfeit.

The good news is that fear did not win.  And just because I had those involuntary thoughts (that had I chosen to believe them would have not only negatively impacted me but also those I love), doesn’t mean that I am still a slave to fear!  It’s just not who I am.  I am someone who believes the best in all circumstances, even when it’s hard.

This morning when I woke up and fear started attempting to get me to align with its lies, I went into our room and shared my thoughts with my husband.  And, I was blown away by the grace he gave me as I voiced some of the lies that were trying to creep into my brain.  One of fear’s goals is to not only rob you of everything you are and the relationships you have, but it also wants to ISOLATE you to where you feel completely alone and like you can trust no one.  It puts you in a place where you begin to question the motives of everyone you meet because it tells you that in order to be safe, you have to protect yourself.  And, that is just not true.

As soon as I had voiced the fears that were trying to influence me, instead of being offended or trying to self-protect like most of us tend to do (especially with the ones closest to us), my husband laid down his opportunity to pick up offense and cared with and for me.  He spoke truth and peace over me, and as he prayed for me all of those fears vanished.  It was like a heavy fog of confusion lifted, and I could see clearly again.  My husband’s love for me is the most beautiful gift I have ever received.  He has taught me what it looks like to be loved unconditionally.  He has shown me what it means to truly love and fight for the ones you love.  He never gives up even when it is hard.  He has given me grace over and over again.  He doesn’t hold things against me or shut me out because he walks in the confidence of who he was created to be.  He willing lays down his own shields of self-protection and instead takes up his shield of faith because he knows Truth intimately, and he is not afraid.  He is teaching me how to love and give grace abundantly, and it is the most beautiful gift I have ever received.

Today, as I finish out my day I have hope because the involuntary thoughts that come to me are seeds waiting to be planted.  They are not part of who I am, but I get to choose what I am going to do with them.  I have the power to plant and water them or to reject them, but regardless they do not define who I am.  And should fear attempt to knock on my door again today, I will thank God for what He has saved me from, and I will plant a seed of faith in its place because I am becoming the woman I was made to be.  And, I will not stop on this journey.  I will not give up because if I don’t quit…I win.

Planting Seeds and Making Things Right,

– The Lily

Romans 12:2

“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”

About Marriage

Putting the Puzzle Together Again

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Putting the Puzzle Together Again
Putting the Puzzle Together Again

Every Christmas my husband and I buy a puzzle to put together.  This tradition has allowed us to unintentionally slow down while affording us the opportunity to connect.  I normally put the puzzle out at the beginning of December, and it takes a few weeks for us to put it together.  We spend the time finding the right pieces while talking about our dreams, reflecting on the past, and enjoying the present.  As we connect, we continually find ourselves looking back at the picture on the box to make sure that we are on the right track.  These are some of my all-time favorite moments because for a few hours each day it feels as if I’m transported into a simpler time where dreams are made while neighbors are caroling and hearts are intertwined over steamy mugs of cocoa.  It’s funny because these are some of the moments I cherish the most because of how closely connected I feel to my husband during those hours.

Once our puzzle is finished, we will leave it on display for a week or so, but then comes the day when we take it down.  The funny thing is that we both put so much work into it, but normally it is only one of us who puts it away.  Instead of hours it took to build, it only takes about 30 seconds to break it apart and put it back in the box.  And, unfortunately sometimes the puzzle box tips over and a piece or two gets lost into the abyss never to be found again.

Yesterday, felt like one of those puzzle demolition days.  As I was reflecting today on all that occurred yesterday, I realized how easy it is to destroy beautiful things, and at the same time how much time, energy, and commitment it takes to build something beautiful.  This is especially true with the relationships in our lives.  It’s true that we either operate out of fear or love – that’s it.  Every thought that enters our brains, every word we say, every action we take, they are all motivated out of one or the other.  And, both take time to cultivate and mature; however, I believe that it is easier to choose fear more consistently.  The harder choice for me tends to be love, especially in the relationships I have with the people I care about the most.  You see, the truth is that I don’t want to get hurt, and therefore…I attempt to pick back up those old dingy worthless shields I’ve made for myself.  You know, the ones that don’t work and actually make things worse?  Yeah, for some reason my brain sometimes gets tricked into not completely separating myself from them.

Yesterday, I chose to see the world through fear in an attempt to protect myself, and as a result I hurt not only myself, but also people that I love.  The worse part about it is that NOTHING about fear is LOGICAL.  It operates out of lies and influences our imaginations to think of the MOST ABSURD things.  And, if we allow it to creep in or give it a voice, it does much more than simply change our lens of perception.  Additionally, fear hurls situations, memories, conspiracies, and more lies at us because it knows that we are no longer looking through the lens of love and truth.  And, that’s where it begins destroying not only us but also the people we love and trust.  It’s like a tornado – it is always changing course and we never know quite how destructive it will be, but what I can tell you is that it will ALWAYS bring pain.

Fear will take years of positive and intimate relationships with family and friends and attempt to destroy them all within a month or two.  And, then as you begin to rebuild those relationships, it will lace kind words and true love with poison to where every time you go to receive love it is twisted and ends up wreaking of death and ill will.  It will attempt to steal any type of trust you have ever had.  And, it is on a warpath to rip your identity out from under you to where you can never actually believe that you are valuable, lovable, protected, or wanted.  It is sheer evil, and it needs to be stopped.

You see, we were never meant to live in fear.  We were made to come alive and to live and operate out of love.  And, there is ALWAYS HOPE in love.  Yesterday, doesn’t define me.  Even though I gave into fear yesterday, I WILL NOT give into fear today.  I’ve lived too many years under the slavery of fear, and its desire is to control me again.  But, it will not have that satisfaction.  Fear no longer has power in my life.  It doesn’t get to decide if it will rule my heart and mind.  It doesn’t get to determine how I interact with the ones I love.  It doesn’t get to speak lies that sound like truth to get me to believe them.  And, while I may have knocked a few pieces of the beautiful picture I was creating to the ground yesterday, I found them today, and I’m putting them back together.  The best part about knocking down the puzzle is that you see where you scattered the pieces, and you can remember what it is supposed to look like and how to get the pieces to fit back into the puzzle again.

It’s about direction not perfection.  And, my choice is to continue to live and grow in love and to bring that into the relationships around me.  I will live a full life filled to the brim with hope and joy because that is what I was created to do.  The people I love in my life will know beyond a shadow of a doubt how greatly and deeply they are loved, wanted, valued, cherished, appreciated, and respected because when they look in my eyes, they will see their true identity.  My choices will bring freedom and hope to people.  I am not, nor will I ever be again, a woman of destruction who operates out of fear.  From today forward, I will only build.  And the pieces that I have scattered, I will put back together today, and I will continue to make a life that reflects the beauty of Love no matter how easy or difficult it may be.

Putting the Pieces Together Again,

– The Lily

2 Corinthians 5:17 

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life].”

About Life

Loving Your Enemies

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Loving Your Enemies
Loving Your Enemies

In our current world we are faced with enemies everyday.  Even if they aren’t our own, we see the pictures of their victims on social media, and we see the pain of persecution on their faces.  We face enemies in our own lives whether big or small, and we are left with a choices.  The first choices we face are whether or not to forgive which is a lesson in and of itself, but once we choose to forgive we are faced with what can be an even more difficult choice – the choice to love.

Loving our enemies doesn’t make any logical sense.  I think many people confuse love with the acceptance of evil, and it leaves a bitter taste in the mouths of the victims.  But, what I am learning is that loving your enemies actually brings you freedom.  However, it is impossible to love your enemy if you don’t know who you are and how valuable you are.  If you come at it from a place of insecurity, then you will find yourself constantly trying to protect yourself.  You will see the need to point the finger at your enemy and hurl what may be “just” accusations toward him/her, but the truth is it will leave in you a never-ending cycle of pain.  And, all I can tell you is that you were meant to live a life of hope and love.

The truth is that no one would bring pain and harm into your life if they really knew who they were – LOVED.  People can only give out of the seeds that have been planted inside of them and that they have chosen to water.  If they have been watering lies, then those lies now have roots and unfortunately those lies are only out to steal, kill and destroy TRUTH.  Therefore, they will attempt to take down anyone and anything that stands in their way, thus resulting in spewing words of hate, stealing joy, betraying friends, rejoicing in selfish gain, living in pride, and the list goes on and on.  People who have forgotten and/or have never known their true value will spend their lives trying to steal the value they see in others for themselves which only brings pain to both parties should the victim allow it to happen.  (Please, understand that I know there are some situations where abuse is taking place, and I am not condoning or supporting any sort of abusive situation.)

This ugly cycle can stop.  It stops the moment we choose to forgive.  But, the best part is that the cycle is re-written the moment we choose to love.  It’s the moment we pray the same prayers we pray for ourselves over our enemies.  It’s the moment our hearts break for the people who are bringing us harm because we can see the pain they live in, and our hearts hurt for their lack of understanding of their true identity.  It’s the moment when fear leaves and Perfect Love walks in the room.  It’s the moment when jealousy is not an option and comparison fades.  It’s the moment when Truth takes the throne and self-protection dies.  It’s the moment of miracles.  It’s the invitation to change not only your world, but the world of everyone that person will encounter because you care just as much about their healing as your own.  And, the best part is that when you reach that place you find true freedom and hope.  You can live without fear and worry.  You can trust completely because you were created to trust the Living God, and He is the one who will sing songs of love over your life and protect your heart.  He will look on you for all of eternity with eyes of love, and He will remember every promise that He has ever spoken to you.  And, He will teach you about true LOVE to where you are so full that NOTHING can take away the knowledge of His goodness.  And, no one can steal your identity because it was never meant to be given to you by man but by the One who has the Eyes of Love.

Today, I challenge you to step into love.  Move beyond forgiveness and into love.  It will look differently for everyone.  It doesn’t mean that you necessarily will ever see your enemy again (or that you should), but it does mean that you can position your heart to pray for the pain inside of your enemy.  It does mean that you can pray for healing and love to reach that person.  Because if you have ever encountered true LOVE, you know how powerful it is.  It is a force that cannot be reckoned with, and it has the power to change even the ugliest of hearts and make it beautiful.  Love is in the business of bringing dead things to life.

Who knows the weight of the power you hold because you more than anyone on this earth have experienced some of the pain that your enemy has walked through because they shared it with you, so you have been given a gift to take that pain and pray for wholeness and healing in a way that only you can.  Who knows what miracles will happen as a result?  Who knows how many lives you will save from experiencing similar pain because you have chosen to love your enemy?  Who knows how much hope and life will come as a result of your love?  I guarantee that it will change the course of history.  And, you will be part of a miracle story that sets you free and full of  joy while unleashing a flood of transforming love on your enemy.  I know that it might be painful, but you don’t have to keep that pain.  You can give it to the One with the Eyes of Love, and I guarantee you that He will carry it for you.  And if it tries to come back, just give it back to Him again.  It can’t stay because it was never meant to be yours in the first place.  You were meant for freedom.  It’s time to come alive and step into love.  It’s time to break free.

Becoming a Lover,

– The Lily

Luke 6: 35-38

“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. ‘Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.'”

 

About Identity

Identity vs. Adventure

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Identity vs. Adventure
Identity vs. Adventure

I believe that people have an innate desire within them to leave a deep and lasting impact on the world.  There is a deep longing to be great not merely for fame but rather to be able to leave a mark and create change.  The desire is to demonstrate that your life has meaning and purpose.  While those longings are healthy and good, I’ve watched myself also begin to limit myself as a result.

I’ve fallen under the belief that these longings to have a life of influence, meaning, and purpose can only be met when I figure out my true calling in life.  As a result of this belief, I have found myself stuck, afraid to move forward for fear of missing out on what will actually bring me fulfillment and/or being stuck in one lane when I’m passionate about so many other things.

My problem has been that I have attached my identity to my future destiny.  I’ve unconsciously began to believe that in order to make a deep and lasting impact on the world, I have to find my perfect fit, and if I fail to discover my true calling then I will miss out on the opportunity to live a life inspired –  full of vibrancy and purpose.  I’ll end up in a second class destiny, plagued with the thoughts of “what-if” and left to pursue tasks that leave me wanting more.   But, you see there are quite a few flaws with this type of thinking.

The first flaw is that I get to choose whether or not I was created to serve myself or if I was created to serve a much larger purpose.  There is a bit of irony in my thinking because while I’m longing to leave a great mark on the world and inspire change, I only want to do it because of the feelings of purpose it will deposit inside of me.  The reality is that as my identity becomes grounded in the Truth and knowledge that I am LOVED, then my desire to have a life full of vibrant purpose is actually finally possible because I know longer have to pay homage to and worship my self-god.  I get to by-pass myself completely and give myself wholeheartedly to Truth, and as a result I will create a world in which inspiration thrives and significance is attained through Love.  And from that place, anything I do and/or say will bring life to those around me as well as to myself.

The second flaw with my old way of thinking is that I have attempted to attach my identity to my calling when in reality it should be the opposite.  My calling and the passions I have in life should be an off-shoot of my identity.  When this happens, there is no FEAR of missing out because every opportunity to pursue my passions can be seen through the lens of anticipation and embraced as an adventure.  It frees me from the need for perfectionism and the fear of missing out on greatness.  Being grounded in my identity allows me to fall flat on my face, get back up, and run harder and faster than I ever have before after the passions that have been placed in my heart.  It allows me to walk in the fullness and awesomeness of being THE LILY in a way that causes me to embrace my creative potential and unleash the imagination of my spirit to inspire and bring freedom to those around me.  This shift in mindset brings with it hope and creativity.  It does not leave me trapped in a prison quietly waiting for the perfect opportunity to come unlock my destiny.  No, this new mindset sings of freedom, hope and joy.  It is laced in love, and it is given by the One who gives GOOD gifts.  And, it is my desire to receive all that is to be received from this perspective, then bypass myself, and give abundantly of the fruit of this freedom to all who come my way.  And, I’m not going to stop until I am rooted completely in Love.  It’s time to take adventures, pursue passions, and give freedom to the world.  It’s a season of HOPE!

Embracing Adventure,

– The Lily

Jeremiah 29:11

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

 

About Marriage

The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I

by iamthelily2 Comments on The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I
The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I

I spent my childhood dreaming of the day I would fall in love and walk down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams.  The idea of being loved and wanted by someone was always on my mind.  Thoughts of being swept off my feet, being kissed in the rain, receiving spontaneous flowers and gifts, strolling along the beach hand-in-hand, being serenaded in the moonlight, dancing in the kitchen to the cascading sounds of Sinatra, and being the forever woman of someone’s dreams floated in and out of my subconscious both day and night.  I filled myself with romantic comedies and romance novels dreaming of what it would be like to have a real life romance like that every day for the rest of my life.  I would be the star of someone else’s life and vice versa, or so I thought…

You see, the problem with my thinking is that I didn’t really want someone else to be the star in my life.  In my head, I assumed that my presence would ultimately be the undoing of my spouse to where all he would ever want day/night would be to watch me star in the movie of our marriage.  I assumed that I was THE BEST GIFT that my marriage would ever receive.  Of course, in my head I had no idea that my pattern of thinking was so extremely selfish.  In my head, it all made complete sense.  My line of thinking didn’t seem quite so selfish because I also wanted to love and care for my husband.  I knew to some degree that my role as a wife would be to invest in my spouse, but at the end of the day I believed that I would still be the star.

Unfortunately, it has taken me years to come to a place where I realize that I in fact am not meant to be the one and only star in my marriage.  Not only am I not to be the one and only star, but my intimacy (in every area) with my husband is not about me either.  I wish someone would have told me this before I got married.  I don’t know that I would have listened and/or fully understood, but if I could go back in time, I would sit down with my 24 year-old-self and have a long talk.  I would look her in the eyes and tell her so many things.  I would let her know that her value goes far beyond the feelings she arouses in her husband.  I would let her know that she is loved far more than what her spouse, family, or friends could ever communicate.  I would gently remind her that her marriage has so much more purpose than what she is going to receive from it.  And, I would teach her about the greatest gifts of marriage – love.

In all of my yearnings to be wanted and loved, I had misunderstood what true love is.  True love is not selfish, but some of the roots I planted in my marriage early on were completely self-centered.  You see, I’ve learned that true love is beyond description.  And as I’ve started to glimpse the beauty of true love, I have received the gifts it offers in return, and they are far more valuable than the self-seeking gifts I had been pining for during my years of singleness and early marriage.

The beauty of true love is that as I grow in my identity/knowledge of how loved I am by Love Himself, I am able to give and receive love in abundance.  And, this love that I have found is passionate and fierce.  It cannot be tamed.  It is tenacious and wildly zealous.  It cannot be quenched.  Its gentle ferocity is a force like none have seen on this earth.  It gives without self-seeking.  It awakens the hearts of both the giver and receiver.  It has shown me that my greatest purpose on this earth is the privilege of loving my husband and calling out the greatness inside of him, and all I want is more.

[…to be continued…]

Learning to Love,

– The Lily

Song of Solomon 8:7

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.”

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Love is Not Blind

by iamthelily2 Comments on Love is Not Blind

Love is blind is potentially one of the worst lies that people can believe.  The familiar phrase suggests that when you are loved by someone, you will never actually be seen and accepted for who you are.  There will either always be a foggy haze over the eyes of the person giving you love or that person will maintain total blindness throughout the entirety of your relationship.  The truth is that saying love is blind diminishes the weight and depth of love to something that is more self-serving.  It suggests that in any given relationship, love does not have the potential or capability of continuing if given the opportunity to completely see the truth of who you really are.

I think most Americans would agree that one of the most popular illustrations of love often found at wedding ceremonies can be found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.”

And this is where I’m left troubled because if love really is defined by the actions above and the idea that love being blind is really true, then we are all doomed.  We will never then be able to actually receive love because we will never truly be seen.  So, which one is true?

Through my experience, I believe that it is IMPOSSIBLE for real love to be blind.  True love has to be selfless.  When love is selfless, it is not out to receive praise or attention.  Its confidence does not change based on how many likes or comments it receives.  It is not swayed when it is rejected or betrayed because it is ALWAYS rooted and grounded in truth.  It is able to look beyond situations, circumstances, and offense to fully see a person with eyes wide open.  It sees beyond the ugly to the gold buried deep inside, locks its gaze on the gold, and never stops loving until that gold overtakes the person from the inside-out causing them to radiate the beauty of their true identity.  When we say that love is blind, we actually continue to heap dirt over the gold that is buried inside of that person so that in order to find it one will need the deepest oil drill that has yet to be invented.

My identity will not be compromised, nor should yours.  Do not cheapen your value or fall prey to counterfeit definitions of love.  You are meant for more.  Before the creation of the world, you were being called by LOVE, and His name is Jesus.  If you want to know more about love, find a Bible and read the Book of John.  Even if you have never gone to church, opened a Bible, or even know what the heck I’m talking about, if there was any part of this that sparked your interest or brought new revelation to your value and/or love then why not give it a try?  What’s the worst that could happen?

You will always find what your heart is searching for, so keep searching for real love.  I guarantee that you will find it.

With Eyes Wide Open,

– The Lily