I’ve lived most of my life subconsciously thinking that the greatest act of glory I could bring myself was by proudly adorning my head with a crown of pity bejeweled with stones of false humility. I walked around with my face downcast displaying the hardships of my life in a way that would hopefully cause others to notice the strength of my identity as I had faced more trials and pain than many would in a lifetime. My tears and downtrodden countenance were a permanent tattoo for the world to see that my life had been marked in pain, and yet I was strong. I believed there was a depth to me that was unparalleled because of the internal pain I suffered. And the more pain I felt, the bigger my crown became and the larger my jewels. I would never shout from a megaphone that I wanted the sympathy and empathy of others, but that is how I lived my life without saying a word. And, what did I realize?
It is 100% a load of crap. WHAT?!?!?!
Yes, it’s true. The best way I can describe it is that I was living in a pile of dung thinking I was at a day spa. I would rub the feces all over myself imagining that the warmth was comforting. The wind would blow causing the stench to be drowned out by the smell of flowers down the field, and I would get lost in my pile of dung. Those scents of floral ecstasy were the feelings of sentiment expressed by the ones I loved who would reach down grab a handful of dung and rub my back with it. And, then there were the times where the wind would stop, and I would get a glimpse of reality. Those were the times when the pain would become overwhelming and try to swallow me whole. The highs and lows of my emotions were extreme, and they were controlling my life until recently.
I don’t have a magic formula for how to get out of a dung spa. And, I wasn’t the one who got myself out of it. There was a moment recently where while I was sitting in my pile of dung, I could see there were at least 5 more truck loads of feces backing up to add to my pile. And, there was also a crown of pity at least 100x larger than the one I was wearing that was waiting for me if I chose to take it. But for the first time in my life I had a moment of divine clarity in which I could see my mess for what it was, and I looked up and I saw the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. I saw the Eyes of Love, and as I got lost in His eyes, His hand reached down, grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of my mess.
When I stood before Him, the stench of my self-pity vanished. He took my crown and tossed it to the side. It had lost all of its previous glory and beauty. In His presence, it looked dingy, tarnished, and cheap. And, then I watched as He pulled from behind His back the most beautiful and simple crown I have ever seen. It was the most delicate floral masterpiece covered in diamonds and reflecting the light of His eyes in a thousand directions. He placed it on my head, and I began to spin. As I twirled, I watched the light catch and send dancing sparkles in a thousand directions. He put a smile on my face and love in my eyes where there had been pain and disappointment. He gave me true beauty, and I will never be the same.
You won’t find me back in my old favorite spots because I’ve seen the truth. You will never see me searching for that old crown because my life is now radiant, and I wear a crown of joy. It’s not bejeweled with false humility but with hope. And, I’ll keep spinning for as long as it takes for the world to catch the sparkles and trade their crowns for truth. It’s only the beginning.
– The Lily
John 10:10
“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].”
I AM THE LILY 