Tag: husband

About Marriage

Finding the Right Pieces

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Finding the Right Pieces
Finding the Right Pieces

You can’t always control the thoughts that come through your head, and I used to think that many of the thoughts that came through my head meant that I was defined by them; however, what I have come to realize is that it isn’t true.   Yesterday, was a day of putting back together puzzle pieces that I had knocked to the floor two days ago.  However, yesterday as I was putting back the pieces, I managed to grab a few pieces that looked like they fit, but in reality didn’t fit at all…

Even though I made a conscious choice yesterday to choose to put the pieces of the puzzle back together, fear still tried to slip in and get me off track.  Even this morning, it reared its ugly head attempting to get me to hold onto offenses in order to self-protect, to swallow the poison it wanted to attach to genuine acts of love from those I love, and to get lost in its destructive nature.  It almost felt like fear was sitting right next to me handing me puzzle pieces that looked exactly like the real ones, but when I tried to make them fit it didn’t work.  Not to mention, when I stepped back from the puzzle, they looked counterfeit.

The good news is that fear did not win.  And just because I had those involuntary thoughts (that had I chosen to believe them would have not only negatively impacted me but also those I love), doesn’t mean that I am still a slave to fear!  It’s just not who I am.  I am someone who believes the best in all circumstances, even when it’s hard.

This morning when I woke up and fear started attempting to get me to align with its lies, I went into our room and shared my thoughts with my husband.  And, I was blown away by the grace he gave me as I voiced some of the lies that were trying to creep into my brain.  One of fear’s goals is to not only rob you of everything you are and the relationships you have, but it also wants to ISOLATE you to where you feel completely alone and like you can trust no one.  It puts you in a place where you begin to question the motives of everyone you meet because it tells you that in order to be safe, you have to protect yourself.  And, that is just not true.

As soon as I had voiced the fears that were trying to influence me, instead of being offended or trying to self-protect like most of us tend to do (especially with the ones closest to us), my husband laid down his opportunity to pick up offense and cared with and for me.  He spoke truth and peace over me, and as he prayed for me all of those fears vanished.  It was like a heavy fog of confusion lifted, and I could see clearly again.  My husband’s love for me is the most beautiful gift I have ever received.  He has taught me what it looks like to be loved unconditionally.  He has shown me what it means to truly love and fight for the ones you love.  He never gives up even when it is hard.  He has given me grace over and over again.  He doesn’t hold things against me or shut me out because he walks in the confidence of who he was created to be.  He willing lays down his own shields of self-protection and instead takes up his shield of faith because he knows Truth intimately, and he is not afraid.  He is teaching me how to love and give grace abundantly, and it is the most beautiful gift I have ever received.

Today, as I finish out my day I have hope because the involuntary thoughts that come to me are seeds waiting to be planted.  They are not part of who I am, but I get to choose what I am going to do with them.  I have the power to plant and water them or to reject them, but regardless they do not define who I am.  And should fear attempt to knock on my door again today, I will thank God for what He has saved me from, and I will plant a seed of faith in its place because I am becoming the woman I was made to be.  And, I will not stop on this journey.  I will not give up because if I don’t quit…I win.

Planting Seeds and Making Things Right,

– The Lily

Romans 12:2

“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”

About Marriage

The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I

by iamthelily2 Comments on The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I
The Treasure Hunt of Marriage – Part I

I spent my childhood dreaming of the day I would fall in love and walk down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams.  The idea of being loved and wanted by someone was always on my mind.  Thoughts of being swept off my feet, being kissed in the rain, receiving spontaneous flowers and gifts, strolling along the beach hand-in-hand, being serenaded in the moonlight, dancing in the kitchen to the cascading sounds of Sinatra, and being the forever woman of someone’s dreams floated in and out of my subconscious both day and night.  I filled myself with romantic comedies and romance novels dreaming of what it would be like to have a real life romance like that every day for the rest of my life.  I would be the star of someone else’s life and vice versa, or so I thought…

You see, the problem with my thinking is that I didn’t really want someone else to be the star in my life.  In my head, I assumed that my presence would ultimately be the undoing of my spouse to where all he would ever want day/night would be to watch me star in the movie of our marriage.  I assumed that I was THE BEST GIFT that my marriage would ever receive.  Of course, in my head I had no idea that my pattern of thinking was so extremely selfish.  In my head, it all made complete sense.  My line of thinking didn’t seem quite so selfish because I also wanted to love and care for my husband.  I knew to some degree that my role as a wife would be to invest in my spouse, but at the end of the day I believed that I would still be the star.

Unfortunately, it has taken me years to come to a place where I realize that I in fact am not meant to be the one and only star in my marriage.  Not only am I not to be the one and only star, but my intimacy (in every area) with my husband is not about me either.  I wish someone would have told me this before I got married.  I don’t know that I would have listened and/or fully understood, but if I could go back in time, I would sit down with my 24 year-old-self and have a long talk.  I would look her in the eyes and tell her so many things.  I would let her know that her value goes far beyond the feelings she arouses in her husband.  I would let her know that she is loved far more than what her spouse, family, or friends could ever communicate.  I would gently remind her that her marriage has so much more purpose than what she is going to receive from it.  And, I would teach her about the greatest gifts of marriage – love.

In all of my yearnings to be wanted and loved, I had misunderstood what true love is.  True love is not selfish, but some of the roots I planted in my marriage early on were completely self-centered.  You see, I’ve learned that true love is beyond description.  And as I’ve started to glimpse the beauty of true love, I have received the gifts it offers in return, and they are far more valuable than the self-seeking gifts I had been pining for during my years of singleness and early marriage.

The beauty of true love is that as I grow in my identity/knowledge of how loved I am by Love Himself, I am able to give and receive love in abundance.  And, this love that I have found is passionate and fierce.  It cannot be tamed.  It is tenacious and wildly zealous.  It cannot be quenched.  Its gentle ferocity is a force like none have seen on this earth.  It gives without self-seeking.  It awakens the hearts of both the giver and receiver.  It has shown me that my greatest purpose on this earth is the privilege of loving my husband and calling out the greatness inside of him, and all I want is more.

[…to be continued…]

Learning to Love,

– The Lily

Song of Solomon 8:7

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.”