Tag: pain

About Life

The Gift of Pain

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on The Gift of Pain
The Gift of Pain

I never realized that with pain came a gift.  To me, it always seemed to just keep me in an utter state of misery.  It came in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but none of them had a pretty red bow on top.  I’ve seen it come wrapped as a package with the tag labeled grief, disappointment, rejection, shattered dreams, missed opportunities, depression, fear, anxiety, and more.  And, believe me those packages have never been received with welcoming arms.  Instead, they’ve produced thousands upon thousands of tears, hurt, and gut wrenching wails from places deeper inside me than I knew I had. And, then there’s the pain that is deeper than your emotions where it touches your spirit and there are no words to describe those depths.  Never once when first handed these packages did I see them as a gift until now.

My mentor has always said, “Everyone has a mess, but it is up to you whether you will allow it to lead you to misery or to your miracle story.”  And, I’ve realized that this is true.  From a place of pain we have an opportunity to either stay in our misery, or we have the opportunity for a miracle story.  Pain gives us the gift of allowing us to see who God really is, should we choose to look.  It requires a new perspective and new lenses in which we can come face to face with God, and peer into the eyes of Love.

I always knew that Jesus died for our sins, but I had no idea that He actually died for our pain as well.  He doesn’t want us to carry it.  You see, I never knew how GOOD God really is.  I didn’t understand how He could really be truly good when I’ve experience so much pain and everywhere I look, I see others in pain too.  I didn’t understand that when Jesus died it was also because He didn’t want me to have to live in my pain and misery.  He stepped in and asked to take it from me.  His love is so great that He is willing to not just take my pain but also carry it for me so that I don’t have to ever pick it up again.  He wants to protect me, and He desires to give me GOOD gifts in exchange.

And at the same time, in the midst of handing over the pain and then seeing it through His eyes, He allows me the privilege of seeing what He sees and feeling what He feels.  He allows me to feel how much He loves others because He doesn’t value one person more than the next.  He allows me the honor of feeling how His heart grieves when the people He loves reject Him.  And, it isn’t a grief that comes from disappointment spurred by rejection; it’s a grief that comes because the people He loves are choosing to not receive the BEST GIFT that has ever existed – LOVE.  He isn’t grieving out of His own personal offense when we make mistakes and bring pain into our lives.  He is grieving instead because He sees how much pain we are bringing into our lives, and He DOESN’T want us to feel that way – EVER.  It was never His intent.  But, as a result of experiencing pain, giving it to Jesus, and then seeing what He sees, I have chosen to receive this gift of love which brings healing to my spirit and has allowed me to begin to love those around me with a hint of the love that He has for them.

The most beautiful and powerful portrayal of this kind of love that I have experienced through pain is in the movie The Shack.  The only words I have to describe it is that it is the most powerful movie I have ever seen in my entire life, and it has the ability to bring healing to the very spirit of man.  It portrays Love in the truest form, and it demonstrates the gift of pain in the most beautiful way I have ever seen.  If you haven’t seen it, you should watch it.  I know it will bring restoration to the deepest parts of who you are should you choose to let it.

Opening Good Gifts,

-The Lily

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]

 

About Marriage

Putting the Puzzle Together Again

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Putting the Puzzle Together Again
Putting the Puzzle Together Again

Every Christmas my husband and I buy a puzzle to put together.  This tradition has allowed us to unintentionally slow down while affording us the opportunity to connect.  I normally put the puzzle out at the beginning of December, and it takes a few weeks for us to put it together.  We spend the time finding the right pieces while talking about our dreams, reflecting on the past, and enjoying the present.  As we connect, we continually find ourselves looking back at the picture on the box to make sure that we are on the right track.  These are some of my all-time favorite moments because for a few hours each day it feels as if I’m transported into a simpler time where dreams are made while neighbors are caroling and hearts are intertwined over steamy mugs of cocoa.  It’s funny because these are some of the moments I cherish the most because of how closely connected I feel to my husband during those hours.

Once our puzzle is finished, we will leave it on display for a week or so, but then comes the day when we take it down.  The funny thing is that we both put so much work into it, but normally it is only one of us who puts it away.  Instead of hours it took to build, it only takes about 30 seconds to break it apart and put it back in the box.  And, unfortunately sometimes the puzzle box tips over and a piece or two gets lost into the abyss never to be found again.

Yesterday, felt like one of those puzzle demolition days.  As I was reflecting today on all that occurred yesterday, I realized how easy it is to destroy beautiful things, and at the same time how much time, energy, and commitment it takes to build something beautiful.  This is especially true with the relationships in our lives.  It’s true that we either operate out of fear or love – that’s it.  Every thought that enters our brains, every word we say, every action we take, they are all motivated out of one or the other.  And, both take time to cultivate and mature; however, I believe that it is easier to choose fear more consistently.  The harder choice for me tends to be love, especially in the relationships I have with the people I care about the most.  You see, the truth is that I don’t want to get hurt, and therefore…I attempt to pick back up those old dingy worthless shields I’ve made for myself.  You know, the ones that don’t work and actually make things worse?  Yeah, for some reason my brain sometimes gets tricked into not completely separating myself from them.

Yesterday, I chose to see the world through fear in an attempt to protect myself, and as a result I hurt not only myself, but also people that I love.  The worse part about it is that NOTHING about fear is LOGICAL.  It operates out of lies and influences our imaginations to think of the MOST ABSURD things.  And, if we allow it to creep in or give it a voice, it does much more than simply change our lens of perception.  Additionally, fear hurls situations, memories, conspiracies, and more lies at us because it knows that we are no longer looking through the lens of love and truth.  And, that’s where it begins destroying not only us but also the people we love and trust.  It’s like a tornado – it is always changing course and we never know quite how destructive it will be, but what I can tell you is that it will ALWAYS bring pain.

Fear will take years of positive and intimate relationships with family and friends and attempt to destroy them all within a month or two.  And, then as you begin to rebuild those relationships, it will lace kind words and true love with poison to where every time you go to receive love it is twisted and ends up wreaking of death and ill will.  It will attempt to steal any type of trust you have ever had.  And, it is on a warpath to rip your identity out from under you to where you can never actually believe that you are valuable, lovable, protected, or wanted.  It is sheer evil, and it needs to be stopped.

You see, we were never meant to live in fear.  We were made to come alive and to live and operate out of love.  And, there is ALWAYS HOPE in love.  Yesterday, doesn’t define me.  Even though I gave into fear yesterday, I WILL NOT give into fear today.  I’ve lived too many years under the slavery of fear, and its desire is to control me again.  But, it will not have that satisfaction.  Fear no longer has power in my life.  It doesn’t get to decide if it will rule my heart and mind.  It doesn’t get to determine how I interact with the ones I love.  It doesn’t get to speak lies that sound like truth to get me to believe them.  And, while I may have knocked a few pieces of the beautiful picture I was creating to the ground yesterday, I found them today, and I’m putting them back together.  The best part about knocking down the puzzle is that you see where you scattered the pieces, and you can remember what it is supposed to look like and how to get the pieces to fit back into the puzzle again.

It’s about direction not perfection.  And, my choice is to continue to live and grow in love and to bring that into the relationships around me.  I will live a full life filled to the brim with hope and joy because that is what I was created to do.  The people I love in my life will know beyond a shadow of a doubt how greatly and deeply they are loved, wanted, valued, cherished, appreciated, and respected because when they look in my eyes, they will see their true identity.  My choices will bring freedom and hope to people.  I am not, nor will I ever be again, a woman of destruction who operates out of fear.  From today forward, I will only build.  And the pieces that I have scattered, I will put back together today, and I will continue to make a life that reflects the beauty of Love no matter how easy or difficult it may be.

Putting the Pieces Together Again,

– The Lily

2 Corinthians 5:17 

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life].”

Uncategorized

Trading My Crown of Pity

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on Trading My Crown of Pity

I’ve lived most of my life subconsciously thinking that the greatest act of glory I could bring myself was by proudly adorning my head with a crown of pity bejeweled with stones of false humility.  I walked around with my face downcast displaying the hardships of my life in a way that would hopefully cause others to notice the strength of my identity as I had faced more trials and pain than many would in a lifetime.  My tears and downtrodden countenance were a permanent tattoo for the world to see that my life had been marked in pain, and yet I was strong.  I believed there was a depth to me that was unparalleled because of the internal pain I suffered.  And the more pain I felt, the bigger my crown became and the larger my jewels.  I would never shout from a megaphone that I wanted the sympathy and empathy of others, but that is how I lived my life without saying a word.  And, what did I realize?

It is 100% a load of crap.  WHAT?!?!?!

Yes, it’s true.  The best way I can describe it is that I was living in a pile of dung thinking I was at a day spa.  I would rub the feces all over myself imagining that the warmth was comforting.  The wind would blow causing the stench to be drowned out by the smell of flowers down the field, and I would get lost in my pile of dung.  Those scents of floral ecstasy were the feelings of sentiment expressed by the ones I loved who would reach down grab a handful of dung and rub my back with it.  And, then there were the times where the wind would stop, and I would get a glimpse of reality.  Those were the times when the pain would become overwhelming and try to swallow me whole.  The highs and lows of my emotions were extreme, and they were controlling my life until recently.

I don’t have a magic formula for how to get out of a dung spa.  And, I wasn’t the one who got myself out of it.  There was a moment recently where while I was sitting in my pile of dung, I could see there were at least 5 more truck loads of feces backing up to add to my pile.  And, there was also a crown of pity at least 100x larger than the one I was wearing that was waiting for me if I chose to take it.  But for the first time in my life I had a moment of divine clarity in which I could see my mess for what it was, and I looked up and I saw the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.  I saw the Eyes of Love, and as I got lost in His eyes, His hand reached down, grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of my mess.

When I stood before Him, the stench of my self-pity vanished.  He took my crown and tossed it to the side.  It had lost all of its previous glory and beauty.  In His presence, it looked dingy, tarnished, and cheap.  And, then I watched as He pulled from behind His back the most beautiful and simple crown I have ever seen.  It was the most delicate floral masterpiece covered in diamonds and reflecting the light of His eyes in a thousand directions.  He placed it on my head, and I began to spin.  As I twirled, I watched the light catch and send dancing sparkles in a thousand directions.  He put a smile on my face and love in my eyes where there had been pain and disappointment.  He gave me true beauty, and I will never be the same.

You won’t find me back in my old favorite spots because I’ve seen the truth.   You will never see me searching for that old crown because my life is now radiant, and I wear a crown of joy.  It’s not bejeweled with false humility but with hope.  And, I’ll keep spinning for as long as it takes for the world to catch the sparkles and trade their crowns for truth.  It’s only the beginning.

– The Lily

John 10:10

“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].”