Tag: self-esteem

About the Heart

The Art of Misinterpretation

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on The Art of Misinterpretation
The Art of Misinterpretation

It seems as though I have unknowingly mastered the art of misinterpretation.  I didn’t go to school for it, nor did I spend countless hours intentionally learning how to wield my craft to perfection.  No, rather I simply woke up this morning and realized that I, The Lily, have spent the last several years becoming one of its more devoted apprentices.  The crazy thing is that I unknowingly devoted all of this time, effort and belief into this art.  You see the last few weeks I feel like I’ve been having a battle between a version of myself that no longer exists, and I haven’t been able to figure out why until today.

The truth is that I am free.  I am strong, brave, fun, loving, and beautiful on the inside and out.  People love being around me because of how much life I have inside of me.  I carry JOY with me into every situation.  I am never able to be bored because I have TRUTH, and it is ALWAYS full of life.  However, I used to be completely locked up.  I used to operate under false humility, pride, pain, discouragement, defeat, self-hatred, comparison, self-condemnation, fear, etc.  I used to be the complete opposite of who I am today.  However, over the last few weeks I have found myself willingly admitting defeat to a battle that was never even fought.  It’s almost as if after being victorious and reigning as a champion for the last year, I decided it wasn’t as fun as I thought, went searching for my enemy (the thing I had just defeated), and willingly gave myself up without a fight.  THAT IS CRAZY!!!  But, that is exactly what I have been doing.  I think realistically I took a few months of trying to hunt down my enemy before willingly surrendering.  And, as I think back on the last few months I’m completely baffled!

Why would ANYONE in their right mind do such a thing?!?!

Misinterpretation.  I finally allowed the Truth to completely set me free.  I finally allowed myself to understand what He thought of me rather than what my old-self thought about me.  I was and still am completely free.  But, my old-self was silently being courted back into my life, and my suitor…MISINTERPRETATION.  In all of these years of unknowingly mastering my invisible art, what I was really doing was creating the perfect back door for my old defeated self to come waltzing back into my life.   I started lending my ear to misinterpretation, and it began deceitfully licking old wounds until they reopened.  It whispered sickening soothing words suggesting that I resurrect old walls that I had torn down in order to protect myself.  It reminded me of old lies that I used to try to use to shield myself from any resemblance of pain.  It told me to begin to distance myself from the people who I love because love from other people really is too good to be true.  It told me that most people love selfishly, and I alone will ever be able to protect myself from pain.  And, ever so slowly it began to open up the doors of my heart to the old discouragement, comparison, self-hatred, doubt, and fear.  And, ever so slowly I allowed my old-self to come dine at the table with my present free-self.  I engaged in conversations and attempted to find some sort of logic in the midst of the two worlds.  Was there a third version of me that is actually the right version?  Who am I really?  And, why do I feel like both people at the same time?  And, that’s when it hit me…

I’m not the old me, and it is no longer wanted.  The truth will ALWAYS set you free, and I just became a little more liberated.  I will not allow misinterpretation to wine and dine my old-self into returning.  Fortunately, there is NO ROOM for that version any longer.  And as of today, I am dropping my old craft.  I will no longer pick up the paint brush and canvas to paint a false reality.  I will no longer hear words and twist them in my head to create an entirely different picture by the time they get to my heart.  I will not misinterpret the GOODNESS of Jesus.  Nor, will I misinterpret the GOODNESS of those I love.  And, I especially will not misinterpret ME.  I will see myself the way Truth sees me.  And, He thinks I’m pretty amazing…every part of me.  It’s time to say goodbye.  It’s time to master the art of Truth.  It’s time to come fully alive.

Picking up a new art,

The Lily

John 8:32

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

About Life

The Friend I Never Knew

by iamthelilyLeave a Comment on The Friend I Never Knew

It’s me.  What?  Yeah, it’s true.  After 31 years, I am beginning a new friendship, and it’s with myself.  I know that it may sound weird or crazy, but I just realized that for the majority of my life I have been my own “mean girl.”  Obviously, I didn’t do this intentionally.  I don’t think anyone in their right mind would become their own worst enemy, but somehow that is exactly what I did.

Everyone speaks to themselves whether it is out loud or in their heads.  We all do it.  We are quick to share our opinions, judgments, and offenses.  As soon as we screw up a project at work, we listen to the first thoughts in our head that tell us we are a failure, and then we beat ourselves up over and over again.  And, we don’t stop there.  We continue to listen to the lies, and we remind ourselves about all of the other situations in our lives where we have been in a similar circumstance and have made the same mistakes.  We call ourselves stupid and condemn our potential.  We align with the first accusatory notions that creep into the back of our brains.  We stand in front of the mirror, and we pinpoint every single potential flaw, fixate on it, and project ugliness over our entire body.  We refuse to let ourselves receive a compliment.  We choose to believe that compliments and kind words are actually being laced in sarcasm.  Or, we negate the kindness/compliment because if he/she knew who we really were then he/she would NEVER in a million years dream of showing that same kindness.  We choose to listen to fear, and align ourselves with the lies that we will never be good enough.  We stay in a place of judgement against ourselves as we compare ourselves to both the people we deem better than ourselves and less than.  Our worth comes through our own perverted judgments, and it has FINALLY started to make me sick.

I don’t get it.  We have been so conditioned by society, our environment, and our own personal experiences that we have bought into the lie that we have to be our own worst enemy.  We believe that we will ALWAYS disappoint ourselves.  We will ALWAYS be watched by others because if we are watching ourselves this intently…then EVERYONE must be watching us with the same (if not more) intensity.  We HAVE to be on trial every minute of the day.  Otherwise, we will be deemed a permanent ugly, miserable, outcast who doesn’t know how to dress, has no personality, will never amount to anything, is a terrible example of a human being, and is basically a disgrace to all mankind.  We are not worthy of friends, love, children, family, spouses, or any other significant relationship.  Nor, will we ever be able to have any sort of future.  Dreams are for the birds.  We go home at night, sit in front of the tv for hours, and let the doctrines of others filtrate our minds filling us with even more ammo for tomorrow because there are certain to be a thousand more times the next day in which to view ourselves unfit and unworthy to be loved.

This way of living is DISGUSTING and PERVERSE!  It is THE MOST TWISTED perception that we could ever choose to adopt.  IT MUST STOP!

Over the past few years, I have slowly began shifting my previous paradigm.  Don’t get me wrong, it has taken some time and effort, but it’s shifting.  I’ve had to let go of my control, and I’ve had to allow TRUTH to teach me who I really am.  And, as I’ve started to catch glimpses of my incredible and stunning beauty, I’ve started to become my own friend.  Where I used to adopt and align with the first lies that would pop in my head about myself, I now find myself looking to TRUTH and choosing what He says about me.  I’ve started to encourage myself to pursue my dreams and fight for the things I love.  My heart has begun to heal from the many daggers I’ve thrust into its core.  I look in the mirror, and my mind is flooded with praise and warm accolades of my body.  My eyes have started to sparkle, and my smile doesn’t fade quite as much as it used to.  Through TRUTH, I have unlocked my creativity in ways I never thought were possible.  I pick myself up when I fail, and I remind myself how smart and intelligent I am.  I encourage my spirit to fall deeper in love with TRUTH.  I am becoming quick to forgive myself and to allow grace to flood my heart and mind.  I catch glimpses of the greatness of me, and it causes my face to glow.  I’m not afraid to cast the reflection of TRUTH in a thousand directions because I know that I am the most beautiful carrier of Him that I could ever hope to be.  I’m beginning to look like Him, and as a result…I’ve gained a new friend.

Shifting Paradigms,

– The Lily

Proverbs 17:17a

“A friend loves at all times.”